IN SEARCH OF THE “STUFF” OF CURLING Part I: Is it all about the soup?

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Ducats to the 2016 Tim Horton’s Brier

IN SEARCH OF THE “STUFF” OF CURLING

In this three-part series we take an excursion back to the mid-20th century small town of Altamont, Manitoba; we search for that illusive “stuff” of curling; we renew acquaintances with Altamont residents from past posts and meet new ones who quickly become fast friends; we meet a new Parkinson’s hero; we learn something about the human capacity to overcome adversity, and the price some may pay to avoid it. Learn the difference between “the Old Buffalo” and “the Old Goat.”

We have a rare insider’s perspective of an epic confrontation at the Altamont Curling Club as told to me by three guys named Scotty, Buster and Phil, who heard it from another guy named Dick. Prepare to read the play-by-play account of this fierce battle on the curling ice, a curling skills match that shapes destiny. Find out how much an 8 – Ender (a perfect end) is worth. And find out what a “Dunbar” and a “double Gordon” are anyway

So let’s begin:

PART I: IS IT ALL ABOUT THE SOUP?

Where in the world are you?

Assume someone kidnapped you, put a blindfold over your eyes and took you to a place where you could hear men or women shouting,

“I’m inside … right on it …. Hard … Hard for line, hard, HAAAAAARD … no, no, no …. whoa… right off, riiiiigggggghhhtttt off … clean, clean … weight only … leave it, leave it …. Now! … HARD! BURY IT!! … Great work!… (softly) Geez, it really dives at the end, eh?”

The answer is that you could be in any one of several different countries and the language and accents of those participating would be key to your answer. Many of you will have identified the fact that you are witnessing a curling match and therefore you could be in the UK, Scotland, Sweden, Denmark, Norway, USA, Switzerland, China, Germany, Canada, Japan, or South Korea. The “eh?” at the end is one clue which would lead you to identify the country as Canada. Oh, by the way,  we maybe have a few kidnappings but I don’t think we are renowned for it.

But, let’s face it; the whole of Canada is engaged at some level in the sport of curling and your location is likely somewhere within its predominantly frozen borders – and as we shall see, it would be a good bet that you are in Manitoba. No matter if it is a pick up game, a club game, a game in one of the hundreds of bonspiels held each year, a game in the provincial playoffs, a game in the Brier or the Scotties, or in a challenge match, Manitobans take curling seriously and play it with equal amounts of passion at every level. Any equality in skill or talent between or among these various categories is purely coincidental even though the delusion of equality exists within the minds of participants in each and every game, especially at the lower levels.

The Tim Horton’s Brier, the Canadian championship in men’s curling, is being held March 5 – 13, 2016 in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada, a place where our children were born and a place we now call home. Still, curling for me has roots in another place that I call, with equal certainty, my hometown – Altamont, Manitoba – a place whose population never warranted the designation ‘town,’ and is closer to a hamlet than a village. My earliest memories are of the Altamont Rink, built in 1919, where generations of children learned to skate and play hockey indoors – remarkable for the day. They also experienced something to which many other children in much wealthier towns and neighbourhoods’ were never exposed, never mind learned, and that was curling: the “roaring game,” “chess on ice”, the grand old game” a game for which the word “stuff” must have been invented. You see, our fortuity was not just learning how to curl but gaining a first hand understanding and appreciation of the “stuff “of curling.

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Even Parky of The World Parkinson Congress 2016 is going to The Brier

Curling: Not really so much a primer as words of advice

“Bonspiel,” funny word that, eh? Oh, the dictionary definition is straightforward enough. It means, quite simply, a “curling tournament” and The Brier is just another bonspiel in a way. Of course, if you don’t know what “curling” is, then you are at a distinct disadvantage in understanding any of these terms. Nevertheless, I am pretty certain that most readers of this particular blog will have anywhere from a passing familiarity with curling and bonspiels to an expert understanding of the application and interpretation of the rules and strategy, coupled with a mastery of the skills and techniques necessary to vanquish at least an equivalent level of opponent. If you have such an intimate relationship with rocks and brooms, then by definition you have extensive experience with … uh … well … the experience.

To those of you for whom ‘curling’ and ‘bonspiels’ are foreign territories, don’t despair, and for heavens sake, don’t stop reading! This blog requires neither an expert understanding of the game nor of the details of a bonspiel. This information will be spoon-fed to you here as necessary as we proceed. Trust me on this one – it is entirely possible to overthink the subject matter resulting in confusion and frustration. Think of me as your trusty tour guide who will not let you get into trouble – good grief, we are not mountain climbing where one misplaced step, one faulty placement of a piton, or one wrong choice in the type of crampon, may mean disaster. [By the way, apparently crampon type shoes were once used in curling – great health and safety equipment to avoid slips and falls but the damage to the ice surface played havoc with shot making after the first few ends.]  Assuming you don’t use crampons on the curling ice or fail to grasp the fundamental tenet that curling is a sport for gentlewomen and gentlemen where full (or even partial) body contact is expressly prohibited, the biggest mistake you will ever make in curling is failing to buy your opponent, should you lose, a drink in the lounge after the match.

I once curled in a league at the University of Western Ontario with several “eggheads” who thought that it was so much fun that they couldn’t wait to go to the library to borrow a book on how to curl. Resist this temptation with every fibre of your being! You should never read a serious book (one that explains the rules or is a “how to” book) on curling until you have a minimum of three years “on-ice” experience or five years “behind the glass.” Playing the game and/or observing the game are infinitely preferable to reading about the mechanics of the game in a book. For goodness sake, rent a sheet of ice; throw a few rocks. That will be the most fun and you will learn much more about the game in an hour than you will in a year reading about the harvesting and transforming of boulders of granite into curling stones (called ‘rocks’ in North America). It is interesting mind you, but you won’t know an “in turn” from an “out turn”, the “hack” from a “hacker”, the “hog line” from a “clothes line” or the “house button” from your “belly button” after reading the geological details and relative merits of blue\gray granite and red\brown granite of Trefor in North Wales or the blue hone granite and common green granite of Ailsa Craig, an island in the Firth of Clyde off the coast of Scotland.

I can hear every reader right now saying, “Hey, I thought you said we didn’t have to know any of those things?” Right now, you don’t. Be patient, all in good time.

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Not curling rocks

If you must do extra-curricular reading (and I know some of you just can’t help it) then you are encouraged to read books such as The Back Bonspiel and Willie MacCrimmon by W. O. Mitchell, books that use curling as “the medium for the message” to quote (or misquote?) Marshall McLuhan. If curling is a medium and the book itself is a medium, then is this an example of a ‘medium within a medium’ – a double medium? Sounds like a coffee order at Tim Horton’s and why shouldn’t it? Tim Horton’s has sponsored the Brier since 2005 and has been curlers’ coffee of choice for much longer.

Of course, reading blogs such as this one is also perfectly acceptable as the salty, spicy, sweet centre of curling is the feature item on this blog post’s menu rather than the rehashing of rules, regulations and regalia. Although to ‘give the Devil His due,’ or to ‘play Devil’s advocate,’ there are a few matters in this blog where the ‘Devil is in the details.’ We will address these in due course and some not until Part II or III.

Hey! My dad once scored an 8 – Ender!

Is there a better way to understand the specifics of curling than to examine what a perfect score on any given end means and what it looks like? Each team gets eight shots per end. The maximum number of rocks that can count is eight. It does not take a genius to figure out that if you have eight rocks closer to the centre “button” than your opponent does, then you score eight – a perfect score for that end, an 8 – Ender!

On February 14, 1978 Bert Marshall and his rink scored an 8-Ender in club play at the Cudworth, Saskatchewan Curling Club. This is an extraordinary happening. You might think that a hole in one in golf or a perfect score in bowling is the equivalent but golf and bowling differ in that those events rely solely on one individual’s skill, expertise and execution of the shot(s). [I once scored a hole in one at our annual golf tournament and even a bad goalie would have made that save.] In golf, your opponent is not actively trying to knock your ball away from the hole or in bowling to protect the pins. And, of course, in curling you are reliant on three other members of your own team to be perfect, or put more starkly, to not screw up.

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No cell phones or cameras Napkin sketch of 8 – Ender  by Bert Marshall

A perfect game for a pitcher in baseball may be closer to scoring an 8 –Ender. No hits, no runs, no walks, no runners on base, 27 batters, 27 outs over the game. This is quite a feat and rarely accomplished. The odds of throwing a perfect game in professional baseball are about 1 in 18,192. There have been only 23 perfect games in 135 years and over 200,000 games played in the major leagues. No pitcher has ever thrown more than one.

The odds of scoring an 8 – Ender in curling are difficult to calculate. Until very recently, there were no professional leagues but there are tens of thousands of sanctioned curling games played in clubs across Canada each year. I have seen estimates that the odds are in the magnitude of 1 in 12,000 and would be much, much higher among those who are curling in the cash leagues.

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Re-creation of Bert Marshall’s 8 – Ender

I used to tease my father that he must have been playing against a very bad foursome of curlers if they allowed an 8 – Ender. But I have to admit that if the strategy of the end dictated a draw game (trying to place rocks in the rings and not trying to knock your opponent’s out) by either team then an 8 – Ender is entirely possible. I don’t know the precise shot by shot details of how they accomplished it, but accomplish it they did. In 1978 there were no smart phones with cameras to capture the excitement so my father sketched it out on a napkin that I have today along with a trophy awarded by Canada Dry.

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Canada Dry 8 – ender Club Trophy is tough to obtain

Hey! My mother curled too!

Women are curlers in every respect that men are curlers but, as with every other sport in the world (think hockey, soccer, baseball, golf, etc.) women’s participation is discounted compared to men’s participation as being of lesser quality or skill, etc. and devalued accordingly when it comes to professional compensation and in assessing the significance of the sport in society. Curling is no exception although I believe that the elite levels have made some progress in relative terms but it is by no means close to equal in absolute terms.

Nevertheless, one of the things you need to know is that challenges are common in curling and in 1972 Saskatchewan’s Vera Pezer, Canadian Ladies’ Champion, challenged Orest Meleschuk of Manitoba, reigning Canadian and World Men’s Champion, to a game that was televised on CBC.  Pezer won the game 4 – 3 to highlight the fact that good curlers are good curlers irrespective of gender. On the other side of the ledger, Randy Ferby with several Brier victories defeated Jennifer Jones, Canadian Ladies’ Champion, handily in a “skins” challenge where the teams compete for “skins” worth different dollar values in each end e.g., a “skin” could be won by stealing a point in the end. Cash money is obviously the motivator in this competition.

The battle between the sexes in curling will continue. Is this a good thing? Probably, as it broadens women’s participation generally but the structural segregation into men’s and women’s curling competitions at the national and international levels – the ones that pave the way for entry into more lucrative money bonspiels, endorsements, and fame – continues.

There are many mixed leagues throughout Canada where two men and two women make up each team, throwing alternately. Mixed curling is every bit as competitive as men’s curling and women’s curling is, no matter the level, but much as women’s curling is discounted, mixed curling is discounted. Even more interesting though is the fact that very few women ever skip the mixed teams and only one woman (Shannon Kleibrink of Saskatchewan) has ever skipped a mixed team to a Canadian championship. “Mixed Doubles” curling with one woman and one man on each team just did not exist in the late 1950s and early 1960s. It came into popularity around 2005 but it is not germane to our conversation here so I will leave it for the time being.

Over the years a few Ladies’ teams from Altamont distinguished themselves in the MCA Ladies’ Bonspiel in Winnipeg. I don’t have a complete record of all accomplishments, far from it, but it is notable that Mrs. F. Stockford (as her name was reported in the February 19, 1944 edition of the Winnipeg Tribune) of Altamont was the winner of the prestigious Birks Dingwall Trophy emblematic, I believe, of the winner of the third flight. The Tribune lamented that the trophy was leaving the city and going to a rural entry. “Olive” was Mrs. F.’s given name and to my knowledge that is what everyone called her. Olive’s winning rink included Mrs. W. P. Reeve, Miss H. Snowden and Mrs. B. (Birdie) Fraser.

Olive, her husband Frank and their extended family, had a very significant influence on community and culture in many other ways but I shall wait for another occasion to highlight those contributions. Suffice to say that Olive was quite a curler in the 1940s and she was the mother of Murray “Moe” Stockford who was to be an integral part of the Altamont O’Grady Challenge legacy of the 1960s. We shall hear more about that later.

Mrs. F. E. Milligan of Altamont is the skip of another rink listed as a former winner of the Hudson Bay Company Trophy (1945.) I have no further details at this time on this victory or the individuals who curled on this team.

As I recall, in Altamont at the recreation level, women often shared the ice with men, as it was more important to play the game rather than to forfeit because there were not enough players. The rule of the day was a “curler was a curler was a curler” with the proviso of course that it was a woman playing in place of a man and not a man playing in place of a woman in a “ladies’” game. Interesting that, eh?

My mother curled in the Altamont Ladies’ and mixed leagues when they had them, and often in the Ladies’ Bonspiel when we children were not too burdensome (not sure quite when that was…) Women usually had their own curling events and these “traditions” persist to this very day at both elite and club level play. It is also noteworthy that the events for women are usually identified as “Ladies’” and not “Women’s” or “Girls,’” although sometimes in a nod to the Scots, they are called “Lassies.’” I suppose that is a half step forward but full gender equality still seems a long way off in the world of curling. Nevertheless, the competition is always fierce and fun. Perhaps, the “stuff” of curling has something to do with those facts.

My mother continued to curl after moving away from Altamont. Recently, I came across a clipping in the March 4, 1976 edition of the Wakaw Recorder in Saskatchewan where she and her teammates merited attention as winners of the A event in the “Ladies’ Closed Spiel.” At the time my parents were living in Cudworth, Saskatchewan and this victory was two years prior to my father’s scoring the 8 – Ender chronicled earlier in this posting.

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Back L – R     Kay Marshall,  Twyla Wiebe      Front L – R  Rita Dzendzielowski,  Karen Hessdorfer

To sum up, curling is a sport enjoyed by both women and men and is immensely competitive irrespective of level of skill. Historically, gender has played a large role in the sport in that the “value” attributed to the competition or the game is higher if men are playing than if women are playing. There is some tempering of this bias in mixed curling but a strong correlation between males and leadership positions remains. Still, the fact is that women and men had, and are having, one Hell of a good time curling no matter the level of skill and ability. This is a consequence of the “stuff” of curling – the “stuff” for which we are searching.   Oh, gendered inequality is a negative factor but the real question is, does the positive “stuff” outweigh the negative “stuff?”

Sweet wines and potato vodka

My parents seldom drank alcohol and they never served wine with any meal. If there was ever wine in the house, it came with someone else. Who buys, brings and drinks Mogen David and Manischewitz, anyway? As I reflect on this I am amused by the role albeit minor these sweet wines that fill Seder cups at Passover played in Altamont’s culture during my early teenage years. There was no one of Jewish religion within 50 miles and the call for kosher wine at our place was probably never heard. Still, Mogen David and Manischewitz did pass the threshold of our house. Maybe, this predilection was linked to a love for the Concord grape from which these wines were made. My paternal grandparents grew Concords in their orchard but I highly doubt that they made any wine from those grapes. Perhaps, it was just because these wines were sweet and more palatable than the homemade dandelion or chokecherry wines served up by nearby Hutterite and French Canadian populations. Whatever it was, I know for certain that the rich tradition of these wines in the celebration of a such a gut-wrenching occasion as Passover within Jewish culture was lost on us young fuzzy cheeked gentiles who opted for Mogen David or Manischewitz as our very first choice in wine.

As an aside, I must tell you that my father, (and this is very unlike my father,) made (or obtained) some homemade potato vodka when I was about 10 or 12 years old. Occasionally we would visit the root cellar and we would take a swig from an old brown crock jug. I never liked the taste but I always took a small sip. Without a word of a lie, I never considered the juxtaposition of this information with the facts of the preceding paragraph, until now. Kosher potato vodka such as Chopin is often consumed during Jewish Passover celebrations. Now, I am certain that the potato vodka in our root cellar was not kosher, but it does remind me of a saying that a friend of mine often uses – “not far from the shtetl,” meaning that some people, no matter where or how they live, are not far removed from the small towns/farms of their roots or ancestors. Entirely by coincidence I am sure, we gentiles from Altamont who grew up with Mogen David, Manischewitz and potato vodka, are not ”far from the shtetl.

The first hard liquor or spirits I ever remember being in our house was a bottle of Gilbey’s Lemon Gin Collins that appeared in our refrigerator one time during the Altamont Ladies’ Bonspiel. After a game my mother, her teammates and a few others gathered at our house for a drink. I don’t recall everyone who was there or who was the skip but I know that Flo Jenkins, our neighbour across the back lane, and Terri Bourrier, a very nice lady from north of Altamont, were part of the team. I say this not to cast any aspersions on Flo or Terri, far from it, but to mollify myself somewhat that my memory can at least recollect two people other than my mother who participated that day. I can say with some certainty that they were having a good time – curling has that quality, you know. [By the way, the design of the Gilbey’s bottle and label circa 1960 looks very much the same as it does today. Some things never change.] This too, is part of the “stuff” of curling.

I know, I have been inundating you merrily with a variety of seemingly useless facts all in the name of searching for something called “stuff” and it occurs to me that maybe this whole idea needs some elucidation. Here, I am trying to project an air of confidence that I can actually provide that clarity. Let’s try ….

Curling is all about the “stuff”

One of the first things you learn about curling and bonspiels is that the best parts have absolutely nothing to do with the rules, regulations, skills and technique … or even winning or losing for that matter. For the most part, unless you are an elite curler, the less attention paid to these aspects the better. No, it is the “je ne sait quoi” of curling that we have to understand – that “sumthin’, sumthin’” that it has, the atmosphere, the ambiance, the culture, the lifestyle, the character, the flavour, the tone, the feeling, the ethos, the values, the ideology, the mindset, the spirit, the mores, the community – that really matters. Hmmm …. Not too clear yet, is it?

Many years ago, Judith, the mother of my children, and I were moving to London, Ontario, and her Great Aunt Jean who lived in Altamont was telling us that there were other relatives living in the London area and remarked, “Well, I guess you will be seeing them around at the curling rink.”  It was not until years later that I came to realize that Great Aunt Jean did not have a parochial and naïve view of the relative sizes of communities and cities as I often intimated in my telling of the tale.  In fact, Great Aunt Jean’s comment was magnificently insightful and is essential to understanding the “stuff” of curling.  She understood intuitively that everyone in a   given community would inevitably and inexorably be drawn to the curling rink.  More on this stuff of “stuff” later.

Is the “stuff” of curling similar to the “stuff of life?” Ah, that technical term, “stuff of life,” thrown about as if it adds some deep meaning to our existence as living breathing human beings. Most philosophers or commentators probably would say this is merely another way of expressing the “essence” of life.

Movie buffs and space junkies can identify with the 1983 Oscar winning movie, The Right Stuff, celebrating the heroics of the Mercury 7 astronauts and their daring approach to the space program. Sam Shepard played Chuck Yeager, the first pilot to break the sound barrier and a shining example of “The Right Stuff,” even before Mercury 7 was launched into space. OK, let’s not get too hung up on semantics here but suffice to say at this point that “stuff” has both meaning and, dare I say, “gravitas” aside from being associated with DNA and genetics.

OK, maybe we should just ditch “life” (figuratively only) for a minute. Let’s think of “stuff” as something that makes … well … anything … including, but not limited to, a concept, a construct, a thing, a physical structure, a geological formation, a galaxy, a thought, or a feeling, greater than the sum of its parts?  Anne, my ballet-dancing lover, is fond of saying that great dance performances are so ephemeral and ethereal that the beauty and delicateness of its entirety cannot be captured on film or even recalled perfectly by one’s mind. It is interesting that the human brain, exquisite and accurate as it is in capturing such sentience in the first instance, does not have the capacity to summon a precise replica of what existed in that brief moment of lived experience. It is as if the expenditure of energy in the performance diminishes the capacity of those who witness it to re-create it, no matter how acute their senses were in the initial viewing.  The combinations and permutations of sight, smell, taste, touch, and hearing along with other more ambiguous factors such as mood, ambiance, etc. of that one instance, are too great to calculate and too great to replicate. We are left wondering: what is the “stuff” that makes the hairs of your arms prickle when you witness an event for which there are no superlatives sufficient to describe its effect?

Sociologist Emile Durheim maintained that society was greater than the sum of its parts. I happen to ascribe to that theory as well. What is it that makes society come alive? Maybe it is human social interaction or spirituality? My view is that neither of these adequately describes “stuff” although the latter may be closer to it.

So, I return to my question: What is the “stuff” that makes curling greater than the sum of ice, brooms, rocks/stones, etc.? Is it merely the fact that humans play this game? Perhaps, but not likely. Do rules and regulations give the game life?  You are permitted to laugh uproariously at this suggestion.  It is my own view that curling has a reach (an attraction or pull, if you will) that is not attributable to the hard infrastructure with which the game is played, the formal code that governs every element of the play, or the informal code that governs both on ice and off ice behaviours.

Curling is a social sport and a competitive game where strategy, tactics, skill and talent combined with the odd piece of good or bad fortune contribute to the final outcome and most importantly to the enjoyment of those who play. I am certain that those of you who curl can add one or to additional features of the game to round out your list of things that define curling. Still it is my contention that the number of items in curling is of no consequence; the “stuff” of curling is virtually indescribable and is more than the sum of its parts. Moreover, we have not yet developed the necessary capacity to prove its existence. The “stuff” of curling exists now only in theory and not as observable data proving its existence.

Toward a theory of “stuff”

Please bear with me as I am going to venture into some perilous territory of theory here but it is essential to understanding “stuff.” I can’t really bring myself to call it “stuff theory” and I know that many will just say “stuff theory!”

As I write this, the scientific world is abuzz with formal announcements of the observable detection of “gravitational waves” (for the first time ever) confirming the existence of “black holes” and Einstein’s theory of General Relativity postulated almost exactly one hundred years ago. Gravitational waves are ripples that squeeze and stretch the fabric of space and time. Their detection makes it possible to observe cataclysmic events in the universe e.g., the merger of black holes or the formation of neutron stars or “zombie stars,”a massive star that runs out of fuel and explodes in a supernova but hasn’t yet collapsed sufficiently to form a black hole.” This news is being hailed as a new way of seeing the universe.

It may seem ridiculous to some, but my hypothesis is that there is a social gravitational field around curling that equates to the “stuff” of curling we are seeking. This ”stuff” is a cumulative product of events and social interaction going back to the early to mid-16th century at least. The “Stirling stone,” dated 1511 and found in Scotland, is believed to be the oldest known hard evidence of curling as a sport. By the mid-16th century Flemish artists e.g., Pieter Bruegel’s Hunters in the Snow and Winter Landscape with a Bird Trap, began to depict curling on frozen ponds. Around the same time, John McQuhin, a notary in Paisley, Scotland, recorded a curling challenge between John Sclater, a monk in Paisley Abbey, and Gavin Hamilton, a representative of the Abbot. We can think of these events as the equivalent of the “big bang” but for curling – the birth of a game that humans would take intimately into their Souls. The importance of the Sclater “challenge” and its proximity to the centre of this “big bang” of curling will become evident later, but I am getting a little ahead of myself. For now, just be content to know that the gravitational waves from these events will enlighten us as to what the “stuff” of curling really is.

For those of you who want to engage in a more abstract theoretical discussion on the “stuff” of curling, please see Appendix A: Towards a theory of the “Stuff” of Curling.

For those whose time is more valuable, consider this: Much like gravity, curling is not evident until it gives us a reason to be aware of its presence. The popular story is that Sir Isaac Newton “discovered” gravity when an apple fell on his head. We know that this story is not entirely true and it is a good thing too because we now know that we don’t have to wait until a curling rock falls on someone’s head to know about curling. Just walk the streets of any city, town, village or hamlet in Canada after September 1st and before May 1st, and listen to people – you will discover that curling is Canadian cultural and social gravitational glue.

Okay, to be honest we still have not nailed down, in a precise manner, the “stuff” of curling. So we must forge ahead by observing people and human behaviour in events that make the curling world spin on its axis, keeping our “stuff” together, and in orbit.

Bonspiels and other “stuff”

We had a quick look at bonspiels in an earlier section but let’s return to them again as a great place to identify “stuff.”

When I was a young lad “bonspiel week” in Altamont was possibly the most exciting week of the year, rivaling Christmas in fact. The skating ice was converted into three additional sheets of glossy curling surfaces to augment the one permanent sheet on the other side of the boards and a walkway. The Altamont Bonspiel lured a variety of curlers to spend a large part of the week in Altamont. I believe they were guaranteed four games for their entry fee so it was a bit of a commitment but one the curlers happily accepted. Rinks from Altamont and environs entered of course as well as family and friends from across the province. There are always several rinks from other communities mostly made up of grain farmers who had flexible schedules and few work commitments in the winter. There were also several rinks, smitten in previous years by the hospitality, ambiance and atmosphere of the whole community, and the ‘competitive non-competitive’ duality of the bonspiel itself who returned to re-create the experience. I am not sure if they were captivated by its charm or captured by an invisible yet palpable quantity that is the “stuff” of curling. The “stuff” of curling was, for some reason, more evident, more salient, and more undeniable at the Altamont Bonspiel than it was in other places.

 

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Altamont Rink built 1919

As you can see from the photo above the Altamont Rink is a small (if you were inclined to be charitable, you would say “intimate”) venue. The smallness does not detract from the charm or from the game itself. In some ways it amplifies it. In the days (mid-1950s to 1980s) before brushes became the predominant tool for sweeping [damn those Scots and Canadian Junior Champion Paul Gowsell,] and after the days (ending in late 1940s and early 1950s) when curling brooms looked like old kitchen brooms wielded by housewives Hell bent on saving their pies cooling on window ledges from scheming children like Huck Finn, the corn broom ruled the day. It’s distinctive slap, slap, slap could be heard outside almost a block away from the rink, as young strong arms and legs put every ounce of muscle into coaxing the rock into the correct spot. The low ceiling in a small rink, 32 curlers on the ice with 8 – 10 of them sweeping at any given time, and 4 – 6 others shouting instructions to sweep harder (HAAAARRRRDDDD!) or not at all (RIGHT OFF!) made for bedlam except … except when the sweepers developed rhythms intensifying loudness but softening discordance, lulling the observer into a short lived reverie of drumming and drill sergeants. It is in these moments where you begin to glimpse the “stuff” of curling.

In April 1991 the CBC, accurately in my view, captured the centrality of curling and the Altamont Rink to the collective Soul of this small community.  Indeed, I doubt if anyone who has ever spent an hour in the Rink has not been touched by the “stuff” (material and spiritual) that resides there.  Have a look at this footage from the CBC Archives:

http://www.cbc.ca/archives/entry/a-curling-community

These images triggered many memories for me and I shall return to the Altamont Rink on several occasions in Parts II and III of this series. Suffice to say that there is more to this “stuff” than meets the eye, as the old saw goes.

Most of us (young or old) could not afford fancy curling brooms.  I retrieved my own prized corn broom from the garbage can where it had been deposited unceremoniously by an unknown curler. To some it was a broken down castoff but to me it was as close as I would get to the real deal – and it was free!  The corn straw still had enough structural integrity and I had enough upper body, arm and leg power to make it slap so that I was not embarrassed. Older boys often had the trademark Blackjack broom made with inverted corn straw in the centre or the Rink Rat made from artificial fabrics. They could wield these brooms with the best of them, their slapping almost defying the sound barrier.

One of the less endearing qualities of the corn broom is that it left a lot of “trash” (broken straws) on the ice. If you weren’t diligent about keeping the ice clean, a rock could pick up a small piece of straw under the running surface causing it to lose speed or curl more dramatically than expected.  Of course, after the brush became popular some rinks took advantage of the ability to use either broom and switched back and forth depending on the outcome they sought. I recall that my ‘reclaimed’ broom left a lot of trash whether I wanted it to or not. I am not convinced that the corn broom helped me much as a curler but that is likely more a comment on my ability than anything else. These observations are not simply idle musings but serve as a good reminder that some “stuff” in curling is unintentional and perhaps even accidental.

Traditionally, the weather during bonspiel week was extremely cold except, of course, for those years which had the equally traditional “January thaw.” Most people don’t like it when traditions change like that, but as a raconteur, I can tell you that it comes in handy to have it any way you like. I can remember as many years when it was bone-chillingly cold as years that were ice melting warm. In the cold years, the sales of soup and coffee from the kitchen were up and the sales of cold non-alcoholic drinks were down with the reverse being true in the warm years. Sales of hot dogs, hamburgers, fries (chips to us), and hot turkey sandwiches remained steady irrespective of weather.

The “informal” consumption of alcoholic beverages remained stable and occurred mostly at the far end of the curling sheet, dispensed orally, directly from bottles hidden in any convenient hole or crack in the end wall, and shielded from public view by any number of complicit curlers huddling together. The raison d’etre of a huddle in curling is very different from that in Canadian and American football. Most bonspiels have formal and/or informal locations where one can seek out an appropriate libation at any time of the day or night. They may have names such as The Brier Patch, The Curler’s Rest, the Lizard Lounge, Three Sheets to the Wind, Shot in the Dark, Draw One, Extra End, or The Hog Line.

Bonspiels in my day were week long ‘spiels with 64 rinks in the draw. Gordon Lowry and his son Ron (called “Ronnie” by many back then and 55 years later probably still is by some) were most often the draw masters and each of them was beyond reproach in their setting of the draw. In any case, I choose to believe that there were no “seeded” rinks in those days and it was left to chance as to whether top rinks might meet each other in the early draws. Still the final draw for the championship title was always thrilling and featured excellent curling.

At some point in my early adult life, the weekend bonspiel with draws starting Friday evening and continuing around the clock until a winner was declared on Sunday afternoon became wildly popular. They did not require taking time off work during weekdays. And some baby boomers were prepared to curl and party all weekend long. I speak from experience when I say that strategic thinking and the execution of delicate curling shots takes on an entirely different dimension at 3 or 4 a.m. after a few hours of “discussing” the intricacies of the “roaring game” with your own team and/or with many friends (new and old) in the comfort of the Altamont Hotel or another cozy abode near the curling rink.  Let’s just say that, under certain conditions, the capacity of the human mind to be deluded into thinking that the body can perform feats beyond that intended by the Supreme Being’s blueprint, is infinite. And, even if infinity cannot be multiplied, it is multiplied exponentially by the sum of the quantity of spirits consumed and the hours of sleep deprivation suffered. The probabilities of predicting the winners of a weekend ‘spiel increased significantly if you had observable empirical data on a) skill level, b) degree of tiredness at 3 a.m. and c) number of “huddles” conducted at the far end of the rink.

Is it all about the soup?

It is the week long bonspiels that I remember most fondly. My sisters and I were allowed at least once during that week to have supper at the rink. This meal was a major treat for us as we rarely went to restaurants or had meals away from home outside of those at the homes of our grandparents, uncles and aunts. I can’t speak for my sisters but I loved the homemade soup that the ladies made at the rink – lots of meat, veggies, and flavour.

At home I would only eat our mother’s soup under great howling protest. It used to drive mother crazy. I don’t know what it was about her soup but it didn’t pass the bonspiel test. I know it bothered her all her life as not that many years ago, I mentioned it to her and she knew exactly what I was saying. Well, you know what mom, your passing hasn’t changed my mind, and your soup still doesn’t make the grade. Wherever you are, I hope that you are not making soup. I also happen to know that mom hated making soup so if she has a choice; she isn’t making any right now. If she had only done that when she was alive, it would have been a win-win situation for the both of us.

As the week wore on and the bonspiel came to a close, we kids looked forward to that moment when we would flood onto the hard, glassy smooth curling ice, reclaiming it for skaters and hockey players. It was the true test of whether your skates were sharp enough. When I was very young, they seldom were sharp and I recall the roundness of my blades slipping and sliding without ever getting the true feel of the “edge” that I would grow to love as a hockey player.

My final thought on bonspiel week is that soup has to be an essential ingredient in the”stuff of curling.” However, soup alone cannot be the sole ingredient because if it was, then it would be called the “soup of curling.”

What do you do when you can’t watch the grass grow?

Late winter or early spring, depending on how you measure it, always brought the Manitoba men’s curling finals, played at some esteemed establishment as the Granite Curling Club in Winnipeg.  Then, as it is now, it was a very big deal to make the finals, “The British Consuls,” so named after a brand of cigarette made by the Macdonald Tobacco Company, the original sponsor of “The Brier,” the Canadian Men’s Curling Championship. When you won the Brier, you were it; the best; the absolute undisputed best curling team in Canada. There were no other contenders. Unlike today where there is a professional tour, a series of cash bonspiels and skins games, the Olympic trials where a team wins the right to represent Canada at the Olympics, and a Team Canada that gets to play in The Brier, without winning a spot through the provincial play downs, by virtue of having won the previous year’s Brier.

Sometimes when I am asked how important curling was (and is) in the culture of Manitoba, I just tell them that the problem with Manitoba in the winter is that you can’t watch the grass grow. So what do you do? Listen to curling on the radio, of course! When I was a kid they did broadcast important curling games on the radio. This always prompts some quizzical looks and I then explain that it has a long history and tell them how that is done.

The early broadcast history is a bit unclear, but I believe that the CBC National Radio Network’s Bill Good did the play by play of the final game of the Brier nationally for the first time in 1946. In Winnipeg, “Cactus” Jack Wells of CJRC broadcast curling in the late 1950s and early 1960s and sports caster Bob Picken (who was an elite curler in his own right) would pick up those duties with CJOB beginning in the mid-1960s. The history is long and deep even without going into the television broadcasts.

I recall going to the drug store in Swan Lake with my dad to pick up some antibiotics as my sister Geraldine had an ear infection. It was in early spring 1958 I believe, and we had the radio tuned to CJRC Winnipeg. We were just on the far edges of the radio signal in Swan Lake and it faded in and out depending on where we were in the dips and rises on Highway 23. Amazingly though, the reception was quite good in front of the Swan Lake garage where the car ended up sitting, not because it was close to the drug store (few people called them pharmacies then), but because our car had a flat tire and our spare was not really functional. In fact, it too was flat. It seems that we were perpetually on the edge of mishap both where the rubber hits the road and where the power train engages for propulsion.

I don’t recall how long it took for the tire repair but I do recall it was a beautiful sunny, relatively warm day and I sat in the car listening to a radio broadcast of a game in the men’s curling championship of Manitoba. So what if my sister was screaming, driving my mother to distraction because the antibiotics had not yet arrived.

Braunstein shocks curling establishment

I don’t really remember which game of the Manitoba Men’s Championship it was, but let’s assume it was the final game and veteran broadcaster and member of the Canadian Curling Hall of Fame, Cactus Jack Wells, was calling the play-by-play solo. It would sound something like this:

“Well, it turned out nice again, didn’t it? [This was Cactus Jack’s signature opening line for any broadcast] …

“… And Stan Topalloffski’s [It was really Topolniski but Cactus Jack was infamous for mispronouncing names] rock stops fully buried just biting the back 8-foot behind Brownsteen’s [really Braunstein’s] rock, at ten o’clock. Tallaopski [Topolniski] also has a long guard just inside the hog line but not really in play.   We are in an extra end folks with the score tied 11 -11. If Brownstem [Braunstein] can draw the 8-foot with this last rock, he and his rink will become the youngest ever to capture the Consols, the championship of Manitoba. These youngsters certainly have set the curling establishment on its ear. Skip Terry is just 16, his brother Ray at third is 17, second man Ray Turnbull is the old man at 18, and lead Jack Van de Mond [Van Hellemond] is 16. Their average age doesn’t add up to a 2 – 4 of beer.”

“Braunstern [Braunstein] settles into the hack to deliver the final stone. It’s on its way with Turnbull and Van Mond [Van Hellemond] sweeping gently as it crosses the mid-way point.”

[You can hear the sound of brooms slapping lightly]

“The weight looks good as it crosses the hog line and Ray Braunstern [Braunstein] calls the sweepers off. […Pause…] Braunstem [Braunstein] has done it! His rock stops fully in the 8 foot. We have just witnessed history in the making folks! The young lads defeat a veteran, the curling plumber, Stan Topolinski [Topolniski] of Transcona 12 – 11 in an extra end.” [It was the 13th end as all games were played as regulation 12 end games in those days.]

Cactus Jack Continues: “The youngster, Brownstein [Braunstein], has accomplished what seemed unthinkable – a junior rink capturing the Manitoba British Consols emblematic of the men’s curling championship of Manitoba. “

Cactus Jack pauses briefly, either for effect or to take a drink, and continues: “And now the 64 dollar question is whether this young rink will be allowed to represent Manitoba at the Macdonald’s Brier in Victoria, B.C.?  The lads [at this point Cactus Jack has seemingly given up on pronunciation] are junior members at the Granite Curling Club and the regulations stipulate that only senior members can represent the province at the Brier.”

Cactus Jack’s question was a real one – and the answer had implications far beyond just finding a quick fix for the age and senior membership requirement.

Braunstein: “The Jackie Robinson of Jewish Curling”

Well, it turns out that Terry Braunstein’s victory in 1958 was more than a triumph of youth over experienced veterans; it was more than just solidifying Manitoba’s place as a “hot bed of curling;” it was a triumph that helped pave the way for Jews in previously forbidden territory. This little talked about side bar on the Terry Braunstein story stems from the fact that until the late 1950s, Jews weren’t allowed memberships in the curling establishment’s most prestigious clubs. In response to this deep-seated anti-Semitism, Jews followed the established pattern set in other cases of segregation. Many of those groups formed their own clubs, organizations, and even entire leagues if you think about the Negro League in baseball. In curling, Jews formed the Maple Leaf Curling Club (1933) in Winnipeg and the Menorah Curling Club (1947) in Edmonton.

Elie Dolgin in Tablet (February 10, 2014) writes about the role Terry Braunstein’s heroics had in smashing through anti-Semitic barriers in curling in the 1950s and 1960s.

If there was ever a Jackie Robinson of Jewish curling, it was Terry Braunstein. Braunstein started curling at the Maple Leaf. But as a teenager, he also played at the Granite Curling Club, the oldest and most established club in Manitoba—which at the time had no Jewish members. In March 1958, Braunstein and his younger brother Ron—both still junior competitors—beat out adult teams to win the Manitoba provincial title, with Terry playing skip. The next fall, the Braunsteins were granted full adult membership at the Granite. Other Jews soon followed.

The official granting of full adult membership of the Braunstein’s may have happened the next fall but young Terry and Ray Braunstein, Ray Turnbull and Jack Van Hellemond had to become adult members of the Granite Club in order to compete at the Brier so immediate action was necessary. In Ray Turnbull’s words, “So overnight, they kind of made us senior members. They had an emergency meeting of the club people and made us full members and away we went to the brier.”

Ken Neuman, 75, a dentist in Vancouver who curled with the Braunsteins in the early 1960s confirms the anti-Semitic nature of the curling establishment at that time. “When we went to curl there (at the Granite Club) we were made to feel a little uncomfortable … but after a couple of years, there wasn’t any of that [anti-Semitism] visible.”

We are left wondering what might have been the case if a) Terry Braunstein had not upset the apple cart by winning the men’s curling championship in Manitoba as a Junior member of one of the most prestigious clubs in Winnipeg; b) the entire Braunstein rink had not needed to be senior members in the Granite Club to participate in the Macdonald’s Brier in Victoria, B.C.; c) Ray Turnball had not been a member of Braunstein’s rink; d) Ray Turnball’s father had not been a member of the Granite Curling Club; and e) if the Granite Curling Club had not held the emergency overnight meeting [I would wager that Turnball’s father was instrumental in this effort] to make Braunstein and his rink senior members in good standing to meet the requirements for the young foursome to go to the Brier. Without the convergence of these facts, it is quite likely that anti-Semitism would have continued for a longer period than it did in Winnipeg curling circles.

Elie Dolgin’s comparison of Terry Braunstein to Jackie Robinson, however much of a stretch it may seem at first, is indeed a good one. Robinson always wanted his talent and skill as a baseball player to be recognized equally along side the talents and skills of others in a world where these abilities are valued. It was a different kind of politics. In Braunstein’s case, the skill and talent of these young players carried them into the winner’s circle such that their achievement and therefor entitlement could not be denied by anti-Semitic practices or politics within the curling club establishment. As with Robinson, it was not just good fortune and a matter of the right people being in the right place at the right time, the Braunstein rink had to prove they were worthy by establishing their place among the very best in their sport. And that they did!

But we are left with an interesting question: did the Braunstein rink have the right “stuff” or was it the “stuff” of curling itself that made the difference, or even more daringly, did the Braunstein “stuff” merely add its weight to the ever growing “stuff” of Curling to carry curling forward?

Manitoba is a hot bed of curling

Altamont was (and probably still is) a microcosm of a broader phenomenon in Manitoba and that is the creation and perpetuation of Manitoba as a hot bed of curling for both men and women. Hmm … that sounds fun! Anyway, it is fun but it is also highly competitive. The sport at the elite level is not for the feint of heart. Outwardly, it is a game of gentlemen and gentlewomen but in its belly, the fires of competition rage keeping the “stuff” of curling alive.

Men’s Canadian champions

The Brier is the most sought after championship for men in curling in large part because it is so very difficult to get into the provincial playoffs, never mind win that playoff giving you the privilege to face the incredibly strong rinks from the provinces and territories in the struggle for the Brier trophy. A Brier victory propels you to the World Championships. In men’s curling, Manitoba has won 27 Briers and finished as in the top 3 teams 55 times, the most of any province since its inception in 1927. Alberta is only one victory behind with 26 wins and has finished in the top 3 places, 52 times. As if to punctuate the pervasiveness of curling in Canada, the Brier has been staged in 31 different cities and at least once in every province. Only Prince Edward Island, New Brunswick and the three Territories have yet to win a Brier. The 2016 Brier is in Ottawa, March 5 – 13 and we have tickets to the last five draws!

Since 1927 the Brier has had only four major sponsors: Macdonald Tobacco Co., Labatt’s Breweries, Nokia, and Tim Horton’s.

1927 – 1979             Macdonald’s Brier

1980 – 2000            Labatt Brier

2001 – 2004            Nokia Brier

2005 – present       Tim Horton’s Brier

So sponsorship of the men’s championship of the “Roaring Game” has rested with the major producers/sellers of tobacco, alcohol, cellphones, and coffee with donuts. This lineage may help explain the addictive quality of the “stuff” of curling.

Men’s world champions

Canadian men’s teams have dominated the world championships with 50 finishes in the top three and winning 34 of those times. Sweden is far behind with seven wins and 21 top three finishes. Alberta has by far led the way with 11 victorious teams representing Canada. Ontario is next with 7 and Manitoba has 6 victories which is still enviable.

Women’s Canadian champions

Women have contributed greatly to Manitoba’s claim to be the hottest hot bed of curling, finishing in the top 3 teams in 29 national championships and winning it 9 times. Saskatchewan has more victories with 11 but have fewer top three finishes with 24. As I write this post, Alberta is the current champion (2016.) Nevertheless, as if to underscore the discounted nature of women’s curling in general, the Canadian Ladies’ Curling Championship has had more difficulty finding a committed major sponsor. Both the name and sponsorship has changed several times since 1961 and for six of those years the Canadian Ladies’ Curling Association assumed the sponsorship itself, as outlined below:

1961 – 67       Diamond D Championship (Dominion Stores)

1968 – 71       Canadian Ladies’ Curling Assoc. Championship

1972 – 79      Macdonald Lassies Championship (Macdonald Tobacco)

1980 – 81      Canadian Ladies’ Curling Assoc. Championship

1982 – 2006 Scott Tournament of Hearts (Scott Paper)

2007 – 2016 Scotties Tournament of Hearts (Scott Paper)

Women’s world champions

Canada has dominated women’s curling at the world level winning the championship 15 times and finishing in the top three 32 times. Sweden is a distant second with 8 wins and 23 top three finishes. Rinks from Saskatchewan and BC have won the women’s world championships four times each. Ontario has won it three times while Manitoba and Nova Scotia have each won it twice. Manitoba’s performance here is but a small chink in Manitoba’s claim to “hot bed of curling” status.

Rich tradition of curling in Altamont

Altamont has a rich tradition of curling with both men’s and ladies’ teams distinguishing themselves over the years. I have already noted that Olive Stockford and her rink won the Birks Dingwall Trophy at the MCA Bonspiel in 1944 and Mrs. F. E. Milligan won the Hudson Bay Company Trophy in 1945. I don’t have a complete record of all accomplishments for the ladies, far from it.

There were many good men’s curlers over the years as well and I know that many rinks made trips (some annually) to participate in the MCA Bonspiel in Winnipeg. My father went once or twice but it was difficult for him to get away from Post Office duties and quite frankly our family could not afford the cost.  I do not have any record of Altamont men’s rinks being as successful as the women at the MCA ‘spiel but the men certainly did have some success in challenge trophy competitions.

The O’Grady Challenge Trophy (“The Old Buffalo”)

Colonel J. W. deCourcey O’Grady, then President of the Manitoba Curling Association (MCA), established a trophy in 1908 “to encourage good will and promote curling matches between affiliated clubs in the Association.” Officially named the O’Grady Challenge Trophy, it is most often called “The Old Buffalo” derived from the figure that stands in defiant attitude on the trophy.  As it turns out this nickname is incorrect for those who care because the figure on the trophy is of a bison rather than a buffalo but this is a common mistake. The trophy has been open to challenge continuously since the Granite Curling Club won the inaugural challenge match against the Kenora, Ontario Curling Club (some Ontario and Saskatchewan clubs have been affiliated to Manitoba over the years) at the Annual MCA Bonspiel, March 2, 1908.

The thing about the O’Grady Trophy is that any club affiliated to the MCA is eligible to enter two teams in the competition with the winner having the most total points in a round robin competition.  The winner can hold the Trophy for seven days but it is open to challenge after that time.

For about a decade (1961 – 1971) the small community of Altamont was in the thick of the O’Grady Trophy challenges. January 28, 1961 marks the first time Altamont won “The Old Buffalo.” They defeated two teams from Wawanesa, Manitoba in the aggregate points round robin match. March 4, 1971 marks the last time Altamont played for the trophy and they lost the round robin to Roland, Manitoba. In all, they won “The Old Buffalo” four out of the six times they challenged but they were never successful in defending the trophy against a challenger so the trophy only ever rested briefly in the hands of one of the smallest curling clubs within the MCA.  Altamont’s overall record was four wins and seven losses.  Not the best, but still, it is a very good record for a ”hamlet” generously estimated to have a population of 120 in the 1960s and today is considerably below 75. The Altamont Curling Club has been a faithful and continuous MCA member since 1929.

It all began just before midnight ….

What I recount for you from here on may seem fantastical but I have been assured that ceteris paribus it is an authentic story.

It was mere minutes before midnight on January 28, 1961 and the Altamont Curling Club had just successfully wrested the O’Grady Challenge Cup from Wawanesa by an aggregate score of 31 -10.  Most of the members of the two winning Altamont rinks, and a few other folks who always hang out at the Rink, were at the Altamont Rink (yeah, I know… a “rink” is an arena and in curling it is also a “team”) for a small informal “after hours” celebration, admiring “The Old Buffalo.”

[In fact, any drinking of spirits or beer at any time in the Altamont Rink was “after hours” because there was no liquor license – no need for one – as there was no bar. Is this ‘circular reasoning?’]

The members of the winning Altamont rinks were Lynwood Graham, Murray Stockford, Percy Simpson, Jim Simpson, Charlie McDonald, Gordon Holliston, Herbie Rackham and Charlie Taylor.

Please see Appendix B for a complete list of O’Grady Challenge Trophy games played by the Altamont Curling Club including the names of the Altamont curlers.

What in the Devil ….?

Now, I believe we all know that the Devil loves to curl. He especially loves challenge matches like His infamous showdown with Willie MacCrimmon in Shelby, Alberta in 1939, so aptly chronicled by W. O. Mitchell in The Black Bonspiel of Willie MacCrimmon.  Well, to tell the truth, the Devil is not keen on having that story broadcast too widely as Willie MacCrimmon and three guys named Charlie Brown outsmarted ol’Cloutie. Ever since then though, the Devil had been keeping a low profile in the curling community, partly because He was still furious about the outcome with Willie and partly because He was biding His time, waiting for the right opportunity to extract revenge.

[For a note on grammar in relation to the Devil, please see Appendix C]

When “The Old Buffalo” arrived in Altamont with its single sheet of curling ice exuding the very “stuff” of curling, the Devil’s old-fashioned radar and his new  – fangled GPS (He was testing a very early prototype of Global Positioning of Satan) both pinged very loudly. In fact, the pinging was so irritatingly loud and insistent that the Devil could suppress neither the headache it was giving Him nor the impulse to show Himself.

Crown Royal IMG_5602

So it was that just before midnight on January 28, 1961, the Devil burst through the door of the Altamont Rink, a cloud of steam hissing around Him as the North Wind’s cold snowy breath melted in the wake of His advance. The waiting room and its jubilant occupants were illuminated by a pulsing red-hot glow. Scanning the room the Devil’s laser red eyes narrowly missed cutting through the bottle of Crown Royal in the centre of the card table, instead burning a hole in the velvet bag and, regrettably, slicing some of the filled paper cups lined up alongside.

Of those present, a voice carrying the authority of heritage and lineage, a descendant of one the first settlers to migrate (1884) from Merrickville, Ontario to Mussellboro (later renamed Altamont,) was the first to respond to the intrusion. That voice belonged to none other than Gordon Holliston, speaking as clearly and firmly as he could, “Nnnow … now… now…. see here … see here … dddon’t… don’t you… don’t you …”

To be Continued….

NEXT POST: Part II of THE “STUFF” OF CURLING, “The Devil’s Challenge: “The Old Goat””
Learn more about: The Devil’s challenge and how the Altamont team responds; Who the good guys are and who the bad guys are (Does the Devil have friends?;) What a “Dunbar” is; Where the Devil hangs out when He is in town; Meet a Parkinson’s hero (or a hero who has Parkinson’s) with an unlikely name; and much more…. (yes, it is still about curling….)

APPENDICES

Appendix A: Towards a theory of the “stuff” of curling

Below you will find the early musings of one individual on a theory, or parts of a theory, about the “stuff of curling.” In it, curling is analogous to a star around which a community or (communities) orbit. Much like the Sun and the planets, curling has a gravitational field holding key elements in check yet allowing other minor players occasionally to enter into, and sometimes escape, its gravitational pull.

The “stuff” of curling is the sum of Good Gravitational forces at the Societal (capital CCurling), the club (capital C – Curling level,) the informal recreational and pick up (small c – curling) level and Beneficial Innovation minus the sum of Evil Gravitational Forces at these same levels and Disruptive Innovation, expressed mathematically as follows:

∑ (GGFC+ GGFCn + GGFcn + BIn) – ∑ (EGFC + EGFCn + EGFcn + DIn) = 0

Where

GGFC is Good Gravitational Forces in Curling (Societal Culture level)

GGFC is Good Gravitational Forces Curling (Club and formal recreational level)

GGFc is Good Gravitational Forces curling (pick up and informal recreational level)

EGFC is Evil Gravitational Forces in Curling at Societal Culture level

EGFCn is Evil Gravitational Force Curling (Club and formal recreational level)

EGFcn is Evil Gravitational Force curling (pick up and informal recreational level)

DI is Disruptive Innovation

BI is Beneficial Innovation

[You always knew that curling was going to end up as a case of “Good vs Evil” didn’t you?  The author toyed with the idea of identifying “Good” as “Positive” and “Evil” as “Negative” but rejected those  assignations as too unwieldy in a world where everyone knows the difference between “Good” and “Evil.” It will be interesting to see how the Trump for President campaign plays out on this score … but that is not my primary (pun intended) purpose here -although Curling  trumps Trump.]

Back to our summation equation; If the resulting number is zero, it signifies that Good and Evil in the game are in balance. If the result is positive, good is triumphing over evil and if negative, evil is winning out.

The “stuff” of Curling is actually everything that is contained in each bracketed term.  I can hear your bleats of derision now: “You idiot,” you say, “that just means that “stuff” is everything and everything is “stuff.””  My response is a somewhat sheepish, “You are sort of correct, but the important part is that the equation is in balance if Good and Evil are in dynamic harmony.”  If the sum is not zero indicating an imbalance then something is truly wrong with your “stuff” and measures should be taken to deal with it.

The sociologists and political scientists among you will shoot me down by saying that this is a structural functionalist theory  as espoused by Talcott Parsons and other apologists for the status quo in social and political behaviour. In other words, change is not possible unless conflict occurs and the equation on the “stuff of curling” does not allow for conflict or change.

Again, my response is that you are sort of correct but I must point out that this equation is not an equation that generates change or conflict, nor is it intended to be. It is merely an equation which monitors those features in Curling, Curling and curling and assesses the relative strengths of each and possible responses to avoid an obvious damaging out – of – balance situation.

As a case in point, consider the use of directional brooms and directional sweeping. New fabrics and new techniques in applying the fabrics to brooms are making it possible for sweepers to direct, or lead, the rock in ways that have been unthinkable until now.  In the short term, these brooms have been banned from most elite level competitions. As such, they are a disruptive innovation which tips the competitive component of curling away from fairness. Something must happen on the other side of the equation if competitiveness is to remain as a central component of the sport. In fact, banning the brooms serves that purpose in the short term. But what about the long term?  The long term is the vision for the sport. Does the current “stuff” of curling (including beneficial and disruptive innovations) keep Curling, Curling and curling at the centre of the gravitational field ensuring its survival?

Let’s return to the gravitational force issue by thinking about social groupings such as community. Societies are made up of many different communities and these communities are held in orbits around the centre of society by an invisible yet palpable force analogous to a gravitational field. Each community in the orbit has its own gravitational pull as Earth does in our solar system. In fact, curling is a community and has this type of gravitational field, as do the curling clubs within curling’s orbit. Think of curling writ large as the Earth, the curling clubs as planets, and other recreational and informal curling events, happenings, etc. as moons, asteroids, etc. Just make sure you envision bodies orbiting around bodies orbiting around bodies. The number of orbits and bodies can be infinite but usually is self-limiting at some point. Each body has a social gravitational field, the strength of which may vary according to the relative proximity of events or the relative importance of the game(s) or activity at that specific point in time. Your own individual orbit or the orbit of any social grouping to which you belong may touch tangentially or may indeed coincide with the orbits of other social groupings, for periods of time. In either case, once you are subject to the social gravitational field of a social grouping, you are not master over it. Once you are within its field, it is extremely difficult to escape.

Consider curling. When you belong to a curling club you most definitely will feel curling’s social gravitational pull, especially the pull of the club to which you belong. But ironically you can be subject to the pull of curling’s gravitational field even though you are not a member of any curling club, as the gravitational pull of curling exists at more than one level.

Much like gravity, Curling is not evident until it gives us a reason to be aware of its presence. It is commonly said that Newton “discovered” gravity when an apple fell on his head. Fortunately we don’t have to wait until a curling rock falls on our head to know about Curling. Just walk the streets of any city, town, village or hamlet in Canada after September 1st and listen to people – you will discover that Curling is Canadian cultural and social gravitational glue.

Appendix B: O’Grady Challenge Trophy (“The Old Buffalo”)

Game#   Date             Holder           Challenger

500    01/28/61   Wawanesa 10        W- Altamont 31                                                             Altamont curlers: Charlie Mcdonald, Percy Simpson, Gordon Holliston, Murray Stockford, Jim Simpson, Herb Rackham, Charlie Taylor, Lynwood Graham

501    02/04/61     Altamont 16              W- Glenboro 24
Altamont curlers: Percy Simpson, Murray Stockford, Jim Simpson, Herb Rackham, Charlie Taylor, Lynwood Graham, Eugene Kehler, Ron Lowry

520    03/23/62     Pembina 12              W – Altamont 23                                                         Altamont curlers: Murray Stockford, Lynwood Graham, Charlie Taylor, Ron Lowry, John Rankin, Jim Scott, Cliff Holliston, Irwin Madill

521    01/02/63      Altamont 16              W – Mather 18                                                           Altamont curlers: Murray Stockford, Charlie Taylor, Lynwood Graham, Ron Lowry, John Rankin, Jim Scott, Cliff Holliston, Irwin Madill

538    02/22/64      Sperling 8                 W – Altamont 18                                                    Altamont curlers: Murray Stockford, Herb Rackham, Ron Lowry, John Rankin, Irwin Madill, Howard Andrews, Frank Stockford, Vern Ticknor

539    02/29/64      Altamont 12             W – Glenboro 22
Altamont curlers: Herb Rackham, John Rankin, Irwin Madill, Howard Andrews, Vern Ticknor, Allan Ticknor, Arnie Zilkey, Dale Adams

559    01/21/67      W – Roland 22                  Altamont 17                                                    Altamont curlers: Murray Stockford, Lynwood Graham, John Rankin, Irwin Madill, Norman King, Jim Wilson, Ed Picton, Real Labossiere

581    03/12/68      W – Gilbert Plains 17       Altamont 15
Altamont curlers: Murray Stockford, Lynwood Graham, John Rankin, Norman King, Alan Crampton, Bert Marshall, Bud Grogan, Fred Bourrier

582    03/13/68      Altamont 15             W – Miami 21                                                            Altamont curlers: Murray Stockford, Lynwood Graham, John Rankin, Norman King, Alan Crampton, Bud Grogan, Fred Bourrier, Howard Andrews

631     02/27/71      Charleswood 11       W – Altamont 19
Altamont curlers: Murray Stockford, Lynwood Graham, John Rankin, Alan Crampton, Bert Marshall, Bud Grogan, Howard Andrews, Alex Grenier

632     03/04/71      Altamont 17             W – Roland 21
Altamont curlers: Lynwood Graham, John Rankin, Alan Crampton, Bert Marshall, Bud Grogan, Howard Andrews, Alex Grenier, George Friesen

Information provided courtesy of the Manitoba Curling Association (MCA)

Appendix C: A note on grammar and the Devil

To satisfy the curious and to appease, at least partially, those who are offended by any perceived undue “respect” accorded to the Devil in the accounts recorded above, be advised that throughout this document, Devil has a capital “D” as does any pronoun attributable to the Devil e.g., He and His. The capitalization is not to denote spiritual equivalency with God but to denote that the Devil has power(s) not accorded to mere mortals. Further, it is assumed that the Devil is male unless someone cares to make the case otherwise.

REFERENCES AND SOURCES

Bonspiel! The History of Curling in Canada http://www.collectionscanada.gc.ca/curling/

http://www.cbc.ca/archives/entry/a-curling-community

Curl Manitoba O’Grady Trophy History http://www.curlmanitoba.org/ogrady-history#.VrDXRCkof9M

Elie Dolgin, “What’s the Jewish Equivalent of a Jamaican Bobsledder? Maybe an Israeli Curler,” Tablet, February 10, 2014

W. O. Mitchell, The Black Bonspiel of Willie MacCrimmon, McClelland and Stewart, 1993.

Bob Weekes, Curling Etcetera, Wiley, 2008

http://www.worldcurling.org/history-of-curling

© Stan Marshall (The PD Gardener)

From Aliases and Handles to Sobriquets and Zambonis: Nicknames, Parkinson’s, Gardens and More

From Aliases and Handles to Sobriquets and Zambonis: Nicknames, Parkinson’s, Gardens and More

Caution: This blog post is rated 18A suitable for viewing by persons 18 years of age and older. May contain coarse language and mature themes.

Caveat: As always, this blog is based on real situations with real people. Be aware though that some accounts herein may be altered or embellished for effect and names changed to maintain confidentiality.

Introduction

For some time now and for some odd reason unbeknownst (a word I rarely use) to me, I have been thinking about nicknames. Nicknames are inherently interesting as they often have a humorous side or hold a hidden meaning that lets you in on something private or personal about that individual’s character or upbringing, or perhaps something about their social, economic or cultural class. Anyway, the more I thought about nicknames, the more I wanted to write about nicknames. But the more I wanted to put my thoughts into words the more I realized that I have too many thoughts about nicknames – much like Antonio Salieri’s criticism that Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s operas had “too many notes.” Nonsense of course, but it does mean that I have to organize my thoughts in some logical, if not pleasing, manner such that it makes sense. I can’t promise you the masterful equivalent of an opera such as Mozart (or Salieri for that matter) would have produced, but I do promise you a ramble through the world of nicknames – with a few detours of course to explore themes and thoughts about Parkinson’s, gardening and human nature.

I sometimes think nicknames are the tumbleweeds of nomenclature – they are odd things, very common but often misunderstood, rarely cultivated purposefully or hybridized, and they are quite seedy and prolific. There are cases where exuberant fathers bestow a nickname on a son (in particular) at birth in a vain attempt (or desperate hope) that the little boy will emulate, and become, a sports hero, or perhaps a child prodigy in classical music. But mostly nicknames grow up around you, not very pretty, and seemingly unnoticed until loosed to the wind by a voice or pen, freeing dried stalks to stumble, bumble and tumble across the cultural landscape until social relations provides a barrier with the right conditions for a nickname to germinate and stick in the collective mind of any given community.

Before I go much further, I have to say that getting started on a blog about nicknames has been quite fun but surprisingly, it has also presented its challenges. It should be pretty straightforward, right?  Well, wrong. I have lived long enough to know that I shouldn’t proceed to the writing stage of a project without doing some background research so that I don’t make a total fool of myself. [Note: I have long since given up the goal of not making a “fool” of myself but I draw the line at “total fool” which, as a category, encompasses both the completeness of one’s failure and the ‘laughability’ quotient associated with one’s name.]

What exactly is a nickname?

Most definitions of ‘nickname’ encompass the following: an informal, perhaps humourous, name given to a person in addition to his/her real name. OK, so far, so good but hilariously I think that definition is succinct only in the broadest possible way! When additional sharpness is applied to the focus we can see that nicknames often are descriptive of a person’s physical characteristics, personality, skills, talents, or abilities. It may include specificity of geographical location, or at least some hint of it. There may be an event or events (humourous or serious) behind its genesis. The nickname may be widely known and public or it may be held secretively and privately within specific groups or among small numbers of individuals. Nicknames may endure for a lifetime or may exist only fleetingly. Individuals may have more than one nickname over a lifetime and may have more than one nickname at the same time. Some individuals may have had none – but I suspect they are lying.

Superstan IMG_5437

Is this my nickname or my alter ago?  Graphics by CUPE Communications

Most people want to be called by their first name given at birth. Put another way, I believe that most people don’t respond well to someone yelling, “Hey you, get over here! Or, “You, in the black coat, you’re next.” Of course, generally speaking they will also accept to be called by their more officious last names with appropriate modifier e.g., “Ms. Mills, how much is that painting?” Ms., Mrs. and Mr. are commonly used with last names in such cases, and the use of a last name without one of these titles is decidedly less formal e.g., “Mr. Marshall, you are next” as compared to ”Marshall, you are next” unless of course, your first name is Marshall.

As a young lad I sometimes heard the words “I saw that Marshall kid there” when adults were discussing some trouble-making involving children in our small town. Trust me, they were not saying this out of formality and respect. My red hair usually singled me out in any group and I was more likely to hear, “I saw Carrot Top (or Red) there,” establishing my earliest memories of nicknames applied to me. I recall these words one day when I was caught, along with several friends, as we threw stones at the topmost window of a grain elevator. It as a long way up for a 7 or 8 year old but we were rewarded with the sound of tinkling glass, signalling “success.” The whack of my father’s razor strap (I have referred to this dreaded instrument in previous posts) across my behind later that day signaled the “failure” part of my action. Still, I remember feeling some pride (and my father obviously also felt this same sense of pride although misplaced perhaps) as I heard father talking with other fathers about how impressive it was that I had an arm strong enough to reach that window, never mind still have enough velocity on the throw to break the glass at that height. This was an early lesson that there is often bitter with the better, or not all is what it seems, or sometimes compliments come from the craziest of angles.

I also believe that, for the most part, people are happy with their names. I guess we have to be as, ordinarily, we have no control over what we are called. And to change a name requires special dispensation from the state. A name is given to us even before we can speak or think beyond a baby’s thought and is inscribed formally to meet the legal requirements of the responsible political entity within which you live. Informally, we often have a name attributed to us to describe a character trait or some other defining feature. Nicknames fall into this category. At some point(s) a name someone gives to us sticks and is forever contained with quotation marks within our given names, e.g., Herman “Babe” Ruth in baseball or Maurice ”Rocket” Richard in hockey, or Rex “Sexy Rexy” Harrington in Canadian ballet.

Lord knows, communities where I grew up were, and are, populated by people with nicknames like “Skull,” “Boog,” “Weasel,” “Pokey,” “Spud,” “Graser,” “Gruesome,” “Scotty,” “The Old Gardener,” “Jughead” or “Jug,” “Big Bill,” “Jake,” “Red,” “Carrot Top,” “Chuckles McGurk,” “Buster” ”Rubber Boot,” “Aunt ‘Mime,” “Birdie,“ “Helena but my friends call me Helen”and many, many others. Still, when I read local histories and accounts, people in those communities are hardly ever referred to by their nicknames even though many would have responded to those names each and every day. Why is that? Maybe historians are just too formal when they put pencil to paper or when their brain waves are translated into digital pulses. But storytellers shouldn’t be reticent to name nicknames, should they? In fact, it is much better if they aren’t. I am a storyteller first and foremost, and a firsthand observer of the myriad processes of life (that just means I am alive and cogent.) Storytelling is simply my way of packaging life in an understandable and hopefully entertaining form. I don’t have space today to weave in all the humanness contained in the nicknames above, or in the many others referenced elsewhere in this post, but rest assured that these informal monikers have stories to tell and tell them they will in future posts. But for today, here is what I have to offer about nicknames and some of the people who have them.

How nicknames happen

As a teenager I played hockey with a fellow named Neil who was from Wawota, Saskatchewan. Not surprisingly I guess, we called him “Wawota” … that is until he was goofing around one day just before practice while the ice resurfacing machine was finishing up the final flood. Chasing an errant puck he ran smack into its side causing the rest of us to crack up in riotous hoots of uncontrolled laughter, sticks smacking in approval on the ice, while a few of us acted out a series of impromptu on-ice copycat performances of the “move” complete with our best imitation of former Montreal Canadiens’ great broadcaster, Danny Gallivan, doing the play by play, to wit; “Wawota takes the Zamboni into the corner without an iota of trepidation.”

Zamboni IMG_5457

“Zamboni”

Neil was unhurt but in that single moment his nickname changed immediately and spontaneously to “Zamboni,” after the iconic ice-resurfacing machine. I have no recollection as to whether it was an actual brand name Zamboni but Neil’s new nickname was sealed for the remainder of that hockey season. Did the nickname stick? I have no idea as I never saw nor heard from him after that one year. It doesn’t really matter though as this is a perfect example of, not just a nickname, but also one process through which nicknames are assigned. [Of course, the most important outcome of this event was that we were prohibited absolutely from being on the ice at the same time as the Zamboni proving once again that humans, especially teenage boys, need to be protected from themselves.]

What is not a nickname?

Sometimes we can understand a concept or idea better if we look at it in the negative. What is it not? For me, a nickname most definitely is not a shortened form of your given name e.g., Stan is not a nickname for Stanley and Flo is not a nickname for Florence. On the other hand, some short forms are tantalizingly close to being the real deal e.g., Stosh as a nickname for Stan and Flossie as a nickname for Florence. Do they pass a threshold that imbues qualitatively new information? Does it really matter, you ask? Good question. Yes, I think it does matter because nicknames not only identify us to others but we ourselves are influenced in our self-identification and self-perception by our nicknames, especially those that we carry for long periods of our lives. This theory is reinforced by fairly convincing research on the impact of nicknames on learning success among children. I am not going to attempt to detail it here but positive nicknames are associated with positive self-image and success, and negative nicknames are associated more negatively in these aspects.

Let’s return though to the question of Stosh and Flossie. I think that “Stosh” in the North American context is a nickname especially if your given name is not ‘Stanislav’, which locates your ancestry firmly in Eastern Europe. By the same token, Flossie is really just a diminutive of Florence and not a nickname. Feel free to disagree as a few debates in this literature would liven it up a bit.

Stage names or legal name changes are not nicknames surely. In my view these new names replace wholly and completely the original name or are sufficient to disguise or obscure both public and private eyes to the legal name of an individual in order to render their birth name inoperative. The world of entertainment is filled with individuals who are not known by their original legal names e.g. (with birth names in parentheses) Marilyn Munroe (Norma Jean Mortensen,) Cary Grant (Archibald Alexander Leach,) Stevie Wonder (Steveland Judkins,) Anne Rice (Howard Allen O’Brien,) Shania Twain (Eileen Regina Edwards,) Fred Astaire (Frederick Austerlitz,) Ginger Rogers (Virginia Katherine McMath,) Truman Capote (Truman Streckfus Persons,) Judy Garland (Frances Gumm,) Rock Hudson (Leroy Harold Scherer, Jr.,) Meg Ryan (Margaret Mary Emily Anne Hyra,) and Woody Allen (Allen Konigsberg.)

Pet names of affection also, I believe, do not qualify as nicknames either so “Honeybuns,” “Snookum”, “Pumpkin,” “Ma Petite Choux,” “Cookie,” “Biscuit,” “Sweet Pea” and a myriad of others are all on the illegitimate list primarily because their intimate private nature means that only one person ever calls the other by that name. That means that context is everything in pet names of affection. By the same token, mean (nasty or bad) pet names or “terms of endearment” should not be classified as nicknames either, right? Or should they? I understand that Sally Struthers was a rather chubby young girl and family members called her “Packy,” short for “Pachyderm.” Apparently Richard Burton called Elizabeth Taylor “Fats” when they were lovers. I can imagine it did not always go over well with the glamorous star of the silver screen.   Are these nicknames? I guess you could make the case for Struthers, more so than Elizabeth Taylor, as more than one person in Struthers’ family called her by that name. However, I doubt that anyone other than Sir Richard Burton ever called Elizabeth Taylor ‘Fats.’  On the other hand, let’s face it, there will always be some grey areas or areas of confusion where context may be everything. I admit that these types of names and the social interactions that spawn them intrigue me greatly and are worthy of someone’s studious attention.

Nicknames and Parkinson’s

Let’s consider Persons with Parkinson’s (PwP) for a moment. Given that the majority of PwP are diagnosed after the age of 60, if they have lasting nicknames at all, these names are likely to have been forged and well cemented long before diagnosis and are unlikely to stem from the disease itself. For those with early onset Parkinson’s there is a greater possibility that nicknames are connected in some way to Parkinson’s but the probability of that happening is unknown, and pre-existing nicknames are likely to prevail.

Still, it makes some logical sense that some PwP will have nicknames related to this insidious disease i.e., a name that is a variation of Parkinson’s or describes one of its distinctive characteristics to wit “Shaky,” “Parkie,” “Parky,” “Parkyman,” “Parky lady,” “Parky woman.” I follow a friend on Twitter whose husband has Parkinson’s and she is known in the Twitterverse as “Parkywife.” When you think about it, “Parkinson’s” should be a natural root from which a nickname would sprout and a natural hook on which a nickname would hang. But to be quite honest with you, I haven’t come across very many PwP who have such nicknames. The reason may well be that Parkinson’s is such a negative force that we do not much wish to be identified with it, or to be identified by it – and that is what nicknames do.

One problem with pre-existing nicknames for PwP is that they actually may be antithetical, inconsistent or incongruent with a new life with Parkinson’s e.g., it is difficult to reconcile the old “Swifty” MacMillan with his new Parkinson’s gait or “Steady Eddie” Olsen with his soup spilling hand tremor at the dinner table. Although it is not always the case, it is often a sign of disrespect, especially to elders, to assign a negative nickname to someone who is disabled or suffering obviously from a debilitating disease. Would it ever be the case that “Swifty” would have his nickname changed to “Shuffles” or “Steady Eddie” to have his nickname changed to “Sloppy Eddie,” or perhaps, if he is a father he could be “Sloppy Poppy?” In the world I live in, such changes are not likely. Still, depending on the cultural, economic, political, demographic or ideological grouping to which you belong, degrees of affection or meanness can vary considerably and nicknames are susceptible to these forces.

Inappropriate and hurtful nicknames

I have to admit that I survived childhood and my foolhardy teenage years relatively unscathed in all aspects of my being, due more to good fortune than to good sense. Youthful eyes and ears are often ignorant about what they see and hear and when that information is transmitted to a youthful brain, it can sometimes spill out in unfortunate ways. Of course, there are worse nicknames than “Shuffles” or “Sloppy,” for a person with Parkinson’s, but the point is that if it is born of meanness or maliciousness, the PwP should be spared that slight, and accorded respect. At the very least (or should it be most?) you should not be defined in the eyes of others by a disability or illness especially with a derogatory or demeaning nickname. Believe me, you do lose some respect when people learn you have Parkinson’s or watch you struggle with your Parky body and brain. By the way, losing respect for those people in return does not even the matter up but this is a topic for another time. Here’s a little story to illustrate the meanness factor in some nicknames.

When I was a child there was a retired farmer and his wife in my community and they were ‘the salt of the earth’ as the saying goes. To my knowledge they harmed no one, were caring and loving parents and grandparents, were friends to everyone, participated to the betterment of everyone in community, church and social affairs, were unselfish in watching over the children of their neighbours. They deserved to be treated with respect – the kind of respect that is not undermined by behind the back uncharitable comments.  It was determined by persons unknown that the wife was not very good looking and, for as far back as I can reach into my childhood memory, she was called derisively, behind her, her husband’s and her family’s collective backs, by the epithet: “Beaut” or sometimes “Ol’ Beaut.” Please recall that the ignorance of youth is not only a blessing at times, it is also a curse and as children we did not know the meaning of the word “epithet“ and we accepted that “Ol’ Beaut” or “Beaut” was indeed the name we should use when referring to her. The tragedy of course is that we ended up using that nickname in front of her, her husband, her children and her grandchildren who were about my age at the time. The children’s rhyme of “Sticks and stones may break my bones/But names will never hurt me” comes to mind as the first line of defense we used to ward off name-calling. The problem is that, as we discussed earlier, nicknames are more than school yard name-calling, they are identifiers in life i.e., calling someone “scuzzy” is one thing but naming them “Scuzzy” is quite another. In the world of psychological hurt, this difference is meaningful.

But the story does not end there. The farmer and his wife had a daughter who married a fellow from a neighbouring district. For better or for worse as they say, they eked out a living on a small parcel of farmland for many years. But rural life was changing. The small quarter section family farm was giving way to agribusiness. Corporate family farms and Hutterite Colonies began buying up the land of farmers who could not adapt to changing grain, animal and produce markets. While this development was not sudden and stretched over a couple of decades, it was nonetheless inexorable in its march. Many farmers were blind to the inevitable as they viewed their futures through the prisms of whiskey and beer bottle bottoms and in the confines of the ‘still safe from intruding women’ men-only hotels that typified small towns across the prairies. The daughter did her level best to farm the conjugal farmland but it was a losing battle. Her husband succumbed to alcoholism and became more and more a hindrance than a help. Somewhere along this path (I am not sure that it really matters when) he acquired the nickname “Wacker.” I am uncertain as to the genesis of this name but it is the name that we children called him to his face and to others – including in front of the farmer and his wife (the aforementioned “Ol’ Beaut”) whose daughter married “Wacker.” As you can see, layers of insensitivity and subtle meanness can pile up over generations. It wasn’t until years later that I learned his real name. Perhaps, as children, we could be excused from such a continuous display of disrespect, but we cannot be excused if we persist in such behaviour well after we should know better. My words here are not intended as an apologia but rather as a supplicatus that no one, child or adult, should find such malicious nicknaming acceptable

Sometimes the default setting is defective

This brings to mind another occasion when I was embarrassed and betrayed by both my mouth and brain – my brain for not remembering and my mouth for engaging before my brain sent the signal to keep closed. Let’s be clear these failures cannot be placed at the feet of my usual whipping boy, Parkinson’s. If it had been due to Parkinson’s my mouth would have engaged several moments after my brain deemed it appropriate and in fact, the point of the conversation would have moved on long before the mouth uttered a word. No, in this case my mouth was clearly ahead of my brain and my brain was not loaded with the correct data.

In my early 20s I was hanging out one day with a young lad from my hometown at a friend’s place in Winnipeg. I was five or six years older and at that age, five or six years, while not quite a generational gap, is a considerable difference. On top of that, I had not been living at home for a couple of years. Suffice it to say that I barely knew this fellow and knew even less about his life and his likes or dislikes. I really have no recollection as to the primary reason for our being together on this particular day – maybe there was no reason other than the cosmic forces teaching me another life lesson, albeit a minor one – or, come to think about it, maybe not that minor as I remember it these 45 years later like it was yesterday.

Someone came to the door and it was necessary for me to make introductions. I know most of us have been in this situation – we have to introduce someone and we cannot for the life of us remember her/his name. Your mind is a total blank, either scrolling pointlessly and finding no memory of anything resembling a name, or freezing with the cursor stuck, unresponsive to any prodding. Either way, a familiar panic sets in – you are caught out. This day my brain opted for the default – not a good default, but a default nonetheless, put there by a programmer who didn’t fully understand social niceties. Thinking back, it could have worked, it might have worked, but it didn’t work. My brain says to my mouth, “You know his nickname, call him that.”

“… And this is …. um … Gruesome,” I say with some relief. Relief though immediately turns to regret – both are five-letter words but not anywhere close in meaning. I see the young lad’s face fall in disappointment. Clearly this name was not one that he had chosen for himself, and it may well have been bestowed upon him in a mean spirited way. To his credit and showing great maturity, he says calmly, “Actually, It’s Danny, and I am pleased to meet you.”

Shaping your identity

Now, there are worse nicknames than Gruesome, but no matter, the lesson is the same. You should make it a point to know those around you, not just because it is the polite thing to do, but because in that moment of introduction you have a responsibility in a real life process of perception and self-perception, and the formation and perpetuation of identity. In some senses, our self-perception is shaped by how others see us, the looking glass self.   I have no way of knowing for certain but I greatly doubt if Danny was harmed significantly by my inappropriate and awkward introduction and it may well be that I was impacted to a larger degree, given that it has been burned into my memory bank. Still, make no mistake; nicknames are a weird wild card in this process of identity creation.

Social Media

In this era of ‘social media’ (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.) we are always giving ourselves names that are not the ones we were given at birth. I reference many of these social media names in other sections of this blog. For example, the alter ego writing this blog is “The PD Gardener.” I wager that if not for social media and the practice of selecting one’s own ‘handle,’ no one would have ever in a million years called me “The PD Gardener” as a nickname. In fact, “The PD Gardener” is more so a ‘nom de plume,’ a pen name, pseudonym, or an alias, creating a vague cloak of anonymity without being truly anonymous, than it is a nickname. Pen names of course are not unusual and were often adopted for good reason. Mary Ann Evans wrote as George Eliot to ensure her work was taken seriously and Samuel Langhorne Clemens used Mark Twain as an alias. There is a richness to pen names that needs to be explored but that is not for me, at least not today.

To get a better handle (pun intended) on the development of nicknames, we have to understand that these names and the naming conventions on which they are based are not solely creatures of today’s social media. Rather, they are built on both established traditions and evolving practices in communications and maybe even an indication of the democratization of communications. [Uh, oh I feel like I am in a Sociology of Communications class.]

Shortwave Radio

Shortwave radio surged in importance in the early 1900s, replacing long distance communication using transoceanic cables and long wave transmission. Amateur radio took off as a recreational pastime with each operator having an individual ‘call sign.’ Prior to 1913 only the initials of the radio operator were required for a licence but a series of international protocols since then have evolved into the current standardized call signs. Most call signs in Canada are assigned by Industry Canada and start with the letter “V” followed by various digits indicating the province or territory. You often see these call signs on personalized licence plates of Ham radio operators. While there is some leeway for individuals to select call signs from those available, the signs themselves are formulated under strict government regulation. I am not going to go into detail but if you are interested you can visit the Industry Canada website at http://www.ic.gc.ca/eic/site/smt-gst.nsf/eng/h_sf01709.html

CB Radio (Breaker, Breaker)

If you had a CB radio in the 1950s and 1960s the chances are you heard something like this: “Breaker one-niner, Come in Thermos Bottle” (request for the driver of a chemical tanker to communicate on channel 19) or “Breaker one-niner, Kojak with a Kodak, I-10 Taco Town,” (communicating a warning on channel 19 that there is a radar speed trap on I-10 near San Antonio, Texas.)

This language is a cultural marker of a major development in communications in the mid – 1940s, the widespread use of CB radios especially in the trucking industry. Truckers selected their own “handles” and their ability to tailor their names was unlimited. “Papa Smurf,” “Billy The Kid,” “The Southern Shaker,” ”Bandit,” “Bedroom Bandit,” “Lead Foot Lady of Interstate 80” are legendary ‘handles’ and there are tens of thousands of others from the last 50 years that were popular and recognizable especially in the continental United States, Canada and Mexico. Police were called “Smokeys” and truckers were forever passing on information over their CB radios as to the locations of speed traps or load limit spot checks and how to avoid them. By the way, this function of the CB radio is now largely obsolete with the development of modern interactive GPS apps through which drivers can submit information on speed traps and red light cameras at intersections. In fact, I have such an app on my cell phone.

Summary of Essential Elements of a Nickname

What does this brief history of names in different modes of communication tell us about nicknames? I think there are three specific things to note: (1) ham radio handles are not nicknames but are alphanumeric codes under government regulation signifying province or territory. (2) CB radio ‘handles’ are analogous to nicknames on the one hand in that they are ascribed to an individual in place of a legal name(s) but, on the other hand, they do not meet a key test of a nickname in that they are conferred upon one’s own self and not ascribed by a third party or parties. Even if the ‘handle’ is descriptive of a specific characteristic of the individual it cannot be a true nickname unless conferred by a third party. (3) Handles in social media such as Twitter, Facebook, and email accounts, etc. are not nicknames but are self-ascribed names in an attempt to ensure some anonymity or secretiveness. But, as always, there may be exceptions or gray areas. Let’s follow up on that later shall we?

The number of nicknames is prodigious

As I was kicking around my initial ideas about nicknames, I became obsessed with asking people about nicknames and I began to assemble a list (a very, very long list.) Just think of the number of people with nicknames that you know personally and then add all those who are public and newsworthy figures. The numbers add up very quickly. Sports personalities alone occupy a massive amount of storage space in human memory banks. How many gigabytes or terabytes? No one really knows for certain but historic and current sports figures are immortalized there with names like “Shoeless” Joe Jackson the disgraced outfielder for the infamous scandal plagued 1919 Chicago White Sox (a team interestingly enough with its own nickname, the “Black Sox;”) or Rusty “Le Grand Orange” Staub of the now defunct Montreal Expos (still my favourite baseball team;) Maurice “Rocket” Richard and his younger brother Henri “Pocket Rocket” Richard of the Montreal Canadiens in hockey; Michael “Air” Jordan or Wilt “The Stilt” Chamberlain in basketball; Jack “The Golden Bear” Nicklaus or “Slammin’” Sammy Snead in golf; and Ricardo Alonso “Pancho” Gonzalez or John “The Brat” McEnroe in tennis, to name only a very few.

The sheer volume of nicknames in sports is prodigious – so prodigious in fact that I was sent scrambling to the dictionary to find out just how prodigious prodigious can be. Fittingly, prodigious is elastic and can expand to any size depending on the parameters set. In other words, the number of nicknames for sports personalities is prodigious now but can, and will, expand to an even greater prodigious size in the future. I see no end to it. The capacity for nicknames for athletes is infinitely prodigious.  In fact, as if to underscore the point, some athletes have the dubious honour of having more than one nickname active at any given time. Patrick Kane, star right winger of the Chicago Blackhawks has at least 11 nicknames including: “Kaner,” “Jonny’s boy,” “The Doctor,” “Peekaboo,” “20-Cent,” “Lil’ Peekaboo,” “Peeks,” “Dr. Kane,” “Showtime,” “Pattycakes,” and “He Came He Saw He Kanequered.” Arguably some of these are stretches as legitimate everyday nicknames, but undoubtedly some do meet the strict test I have set for the legitimacy of a nickname – describing character of the individual as accorded and used by a third party.

Nicknames for women in a gendered world

Okay fair enough you say, but are there any limiting parameters? The keen observer will have noticed long before now that most of my examples have been from the male world. I have done this purposefully as I perceive that there are significant gender differences in the world of nicknames. It seems to be true generally that women don’t engage in public rituals to confer a nickname on someone; don’t use nicknames in conversation with others; and they are not favourable towards having their nicknames, should they have one, publicly displayed. Still women do have nicknames. Let’s have a brief look at some names (nick or not) given to some famous women.

In the world of entertainment Jennifer Lopez is “J. Lo,” Katherine Hepburn was also known as “First Lady of Cinema,” “Kate,” and “The Great Kate;” Bette Midler is the “Divine Miss M.” Comedian Mary Walsh is a pioneer in hard-hitting Canadian political comedy and satire to the point where her alter ego ”Marg Delahunty: Warrior Princess” may well be her nickname.

Many female political figures also have nicknames. Time Magazine’s 2015 Person of the Year is German Chancellor, Angela “Mutti” Merkel, who is widely accepted as the most powerful woman in the world and the de facto leader of the European Union. “Mutti” is German for Mommy, Mama, or Mom. Not surprisingly, other strong women in politics have also been accorded significant nicknames e.g., Golda Meir was known as the “Iron Lady of Israeli Politics” long before Margaret Thatcher acquired the “Iron Lady” label in the UK. [Note: I am not passing judgment upon their politics here. I may well do that in future blog posts as I do have some strong views.]

First Ladies in the United States have often had nicknames. “Lady Bird” Johnson used this name allegedly given to her as a baby by a nursemaid. Mary Geneva Eisenhower was nicknamed “Maimie.” Dorothea Madison was called “Dolley” by all but there has been some discussion about whether this was an official name, and Helen Herron Taft was nicknamed “Nellie.” Lucy Webb Hayes, wife of President Rutherford Hayes was widely known as “Lemonade Lucy” as she was a supporter of the Temperance movement and served non-alcoholic drinks at the White House.

In Canada our first and only female Prime Minister, Avril Phædra Douglas Campbell nicknamed herself “Kim” as a teenager. And the nickname stuck perhaps making this an exception to my general rule that a nickname must be accorded by a third party or parties. You would be hard pressed to find anyone in Canada who would be able to identify Kim Campbell correctly by her real name. Famous Canadian political activist and suffragette Nellie “Windy Nellie” McClung lived a short 13 or so miles away from where I grew up and earned her nickname because she was a fiery orator and never at a loss for words. And the “Lady with the Lamp,” Florence Nightingale, forever changed the course of health care setting professional standards and practices for nurses and nursing care.

Nicknames in male Culture

I wager that men have more nicknames than women and are responsible for the act of nicknaming more than women are. Mind you, I have not conducted a scientific meta-analysis of existing peer reviewed and published studies within the esoteric literature of anthroponomastics or anthroponymy (the study of names of human beings including nicknames) although I admit that of all academic endeavours this does seem like a very pleasant diversion from the usual academic stuffiness if one were inclined to be part of the academe.

Nevertheless, I don’t think I am wrong on this one. Males are forever engaged in nicknaming everything and everyone they can. I am not inclined to engage in gratuitous descriptions about the male culture of naming body parts or assigning nicknames based on characteristics of sexual prowess. However, I do not feel it appropriate to skirt this issue without at least making a token foray into male cultural practices by citing two examples from my hockey playing days, for illustrative purposes only.

In this first case, let’s just say that the nickname “Poppycock” is not a reference to a fondness for the famous sweet mixture of candied popcorn, peanuts, pecans, cashews, and chocolate. In fact, I don’t even know if “Poppy” liked sweets but his nickname was more the measure of the man so to speak. Nevertheless, jockstrap size aside, he was short and sturdy and could skate like the wind. He didn’t always know where he was going but he tried to get there quickly. Coach Eddie would quip, “Poppy, you have million dollar legs and a 10 cent head.” There were also suggestions that perhaps the greater part of his hockey brain was housed within the head inside his jock strap rather than the one on his shoulders. [Competitive hockey was not then, nor is now, a game for sensitive souls. I shall blog about this more at a later time.] The Oakland Seals selected Poppy in the amateur draft portion of the 1967 NHL expansion to 12 teams from the original six. It was quite an accomplishment for Poppy. However, he never played in the NHL and kicked around in the minor professional leagues for seven years before hanging them up.

In this second example, the nickname “Job” is not a Biblical reference or a euphemism for a player who was hard working and gets the job done. Not surprisingly, as we are referring to a male cultural environment, it refers to an act of oral sex and the original formulation was “Blow Job” or “BJ,” a variant of this player’s name and initials, and it should come as no surprise that there were several iterations in existence at the same time. I recall his girlfriend being quite puzzled by the nickname and was forever asking him why we called him “Job.” You have to understand that Job was (and probably still is) one of the quietest, unassuming guys I have ever met. The word “nice” just didn’t do justice to his character back then. His shy smile could disarm even the hardest of hearts but on the ice he was a tenacious checker and ruthless in his drive to the net to score. Don’t confuse “quiet and unassuming” with a lack of motivation to succeed and he was a scoring dynamo in his Junior A hockey career. But alas, Job was on the small side at 5’9” and a charitable, even soaking wet, 180 pounds.  Scouts were looking for big and while he had all the tools as a skater, checker, goal scorer, Job was in a tough battle against other expansion draft behemoths of the day. For all but a five game “look see” near the end of his career with the NHL St. Louis Blues in the mid-1970s, he played in the minor leagues.

I hasten to say that there was absolutely nothing that either of these players could have done to avoid being saddled with these monikers. It was more or less spontaneous and as soon as the names hit the dressing room floor, the die was cast and the names stuck – at least within the team for a few seasons. I cannot say whether there was any longevity to the practice but I suspect the nicknames did not have much currency outside of the locker room and died after a short time, unless one or more contemporaries accompanied Job and Poppycock to other playing assignments. Ironically, contemporaries are nasty that way – they bring history with them! I also want to emphasize that, to my knowledge, neither one of them was a “player” in sexual relations with women. Of course, there were many other players whose teenage hormones raged and played the field of available girls to the limit.

While I do feel an almost uncontrollable urge to divulge other nicknames and information from those years of my life, I will leave that for another day as surely the main point to be made here is that male culture produces nicknames formed through the filter of that culture. If that is the dominant culture, then the mass and/or volume of nicknames in that society will reflect that reality. [I am certain there is a PhD thesis here but I am not going to do it.]

Perhaps, it is this dominance of the male culture that sent my family and some friends into paroxysms of laughter at the nickname “Shrimpy,” when I asked them at a family dinner over the Holidays, quite spontaneously and without warning, about nicknames. In fact, “Shrimpy” is a perfectly good example of a nickname and a character in Downton Abby is so named. Nevertheless, it seems that male culture often prevails. I apologize to anyone nicknamed “Shrimpy” for any embarrassment that my family so uncouthly attempts to foist upon him.

The points that need to be underscored from my vantage point are that males are more likely to have a nickname, more likely to address others using a nickname, more likely to attempt to hang a nickname on someone else and more likely to give himself a nickname. I am quite certain that there are equivalencies found in certain elements of female culture, but the probability and the generality of nicknames being more important for men than for women should hold true – according to ‘conventional wisdom’ at least

Critical thinking can make all the difference

Uh, oh, I feel a caveat involving ‘conventional wisdom’ coming on and I must deviate slightly from the main topic in order to explain my thinking and, of course, to absolve myself if I am wrong about any factual statements I make or conclusions I may draw.

The words “conventional wisdom” always remind me of a story told by one of my high school teachers. The message of the story resonated with me at the time and has continued to do so over the last 50 plus years. In fact, when I was teaching at universities or involved in adult education in the community or with workers, I always told this story as a way to underscore the importance of “critical thinking” in almost every aspect of life. Unfortunately, some people have taken “critical thinking” to mean that you criticize or attack other views and opinions to destroy them. My personal experience is that “critical thinking” is a positive activity that clarifies argument and paves the way for progress.

The story goes somewhat like this: A father was telling his daughter that she had things rather easy compared to his own childhood experience. I am sure that we have all heard variations of this story from our own parents and elders. You know, I used to walk six miles to school against the wind, through snow six feet deep, and other such embellishments. The father punctuated this particular assertion by saying, “When I was your age, I had to get up in the morning, do my chores in the barn and then I would go down to the lake, take off my clothes and swim across the lake three times.”

Lake Kawawaymog mist IMG_4543

Early morning pre-swim mist on Lake Kawawaymog   Photo: The PD Gardener 2015

The daughter thought for a few seconds about this latest attempt by her father to impress upon her that she was privileged in her life compared to those in earlier times, and responded very gracefully, “ Father, I am impressed with your work ethic in doing the chores early in the morning. Your parents must have been so grateful for your assistance. And your commitment to exercise by swimming across the lake three times is truly admirable, especially in a time when physical fitness was not as valued or as well organized as it today. You must have been a true role model. But respectfully father, I think it would have been better for you and, probably for everyone else, if you had gone to the lake, taken off your clothes and swum across the lake either two or four times so that you would be back on the same side as your clothes.”

This is a ‘cautionary tale’ and the very simple lesson is that we should never take anything at face value. Always listen carefully to what is being said. Sometimes, we are too quick to accept ideas or things we are told as truth before examining them for factual inadequacies, half – truths and mistakes, or indeed testing the consistency of the internal logic. This caution is for you to be on your toes and to not let me get away with anything. In return I shall do my utmost, as all storytellers do, to portray life events and their meanings accurately while at the same time avoiding detection when I am stretching truth and logic to the limits.

My personal experience with nicknames

Most of us have several nicknames over a lifetime. I had red hair so I was often called “Red” or “Carrot Top” as a child but they didn’t stick with me even into my teen years. “Sidney” was the first nickname I ever had that irritated me. It was bestowed upon me unintentionally in Grade One by Ms. Bennett, a young woman doing her teaching practicum in our small school in Altamont, Manitoba. Undoubtedly the seating chart listed me with my proper first name, Stanley, but when she called upon me, she always said “Sidney” instead of Stanley. This moniker stuck with me for several years, used somewhat derogatorily by a few local children who were not exactly good friends. It’s a funny thing but often nicknames are not short pithy descriptors. Sometimes they evolve into long form substitute names of considerable creativity. Consequently, “Sidney” for some odd reason (by the way, it doesn’t take much of a reason) morphed into “Sidney Slump” and then my status was devalued even more when I became “Sidney Slump from the City Dump.” Today, I am not known as “Sidney” or any of its elongations and thankfully, Sidney “Sid the Kid” Crosby, star center for the Pittsburgh Penguins, has transformed “Sidney” from ignominy into the desirable limelight within my age group.

My wife Anne, the person who knows and understands me best, often (but not always) refers to me by my nom de plume, “The PD Gardener.” As discussed earlier, I believe that a necessary criterion in the definition of a nickname is that it must be ascribed to your person by a third party or parties in place of your birth name. “The PD Gardener” identifies two major elements in my life – Parkinson’s and gardening. It is not the whole of my being it is true, but nicknames never provide a complete identification. In fact, some of them are remarkably devoid of any obvious identifying content e.g., Eldrick “Tiger” Woods while others provide clear clues as to character e.g., Gen. George S. “Ol’ Blood ‘n Guts” Patton. Both serve as nicknames though.

Rebranding T

Sometimes people try to create a nickname because … well just because it is better to have a nickname than not to have one, right? A childhood friend (let’s call him “T”) wanted to be known as “Tiger.” Keep in mind that this was around 1960, well before Eldrick “Tiger” Woods was born (December 30, 1975) and before Dave “Tiger” Williams debuted with the Toronto Maple Leafs in the National Hockey League in 1974. Perhaps, it was a nod to that iconic “Tony the Tiger”(Tastes Grrrreeeaaaattt!) of Kellogg’s Sugar Frosted Flakes fame. [Note that “sugar” was still an acceptable modifier in those days.]  I sometimes think that I learned to spell watching Kellogg’s commercials in the 1950s and 1960s – “K-E-double L – O – Double Good Good – Kellogg’s best to you.”

Whatever … let’s get back to our attempt to give T the nickname “Tiger.” Our strategy was to call T “Tiger” at every opportunity, as often as we could, in as many places as we could until others began calling him “Tiger” as well. My recollection is that the strategy was a complete failure. At first, some of us  were too aggressive and every sentence began and ended with the word “Tiger” and it became an endangered species due to overkill.  Some of us did not follow up on our commitment because we mostly forgot to call him Tiger. Some of us wondered who “Tiger” was when it came up.  We were young kids but we could have been old men!  I now recognize this experience as a clear lesson: just repeating something over and over again, does make it true, nor does it mean that everyone will accept it as “real.” And some people will forget anyway. It seems that many politicians, policy makers, communications gurus, and marketing firms have not learned this lesson. The long and the short of it is that “Tiger” did not stick even for the shortest of times.

Perhaps, part of the problem was that we, at the age of 9 or 10, didn’t understand the complexities of “rebranding.” Clearly, our small rural grade school education was quite deficient in teaching us skills we would need to know later in life. As I think about it, I don’t think people ever saw T as a Tiger and we gave them no reason to think of him as a Tiger. If you are going to change the name (or give someone a name) you have to highlight whatever it is that connects the body to the new name, or give the new name some value.  T did not perceive himself to be a tiger in any particular way e.g., personality. He just liked the name. Others did not make that connection either so they did not reflect that image back to him. If they didn’t think of him as a tiger then it was unlikely that he would adopt a self-perception necessary for the nickname to be viable. And T just did not look enough like Tony the Tiger on TV! In the end, T never really had a nickname that I can remember. Maybe he acquired one later in life.

More nicknames for me? Great….

My given name, Stan, was a name that begged to have “The Man” attached to it. I certainly didn’t mind it as it not only rhymed but it embedded seriousness in my existence, eclipsing the “City Dump” assignation. Even in those days, the concept of “You da Man!” was present in the sense that others thought you were more than capable of getting the job done. I was often called “Stan the Man” by my peers as well as by my parent’s generation especially when playing sports. Two particular professional athletes figured largely in the “Stan the Man” phenomenon. In baseball “Stan the Man” Musial played 22 seasons (1941 – 1963) for the St. Louis Cardinals amassing 3,630 hits, 475 home runs and a stunning .331 batting average.

Stanislav “Stan the Man” Mikita was a second influence. Mikita played his entire illustrious 21-year career with the Chicago Blackhawks, debuting in 1958 and leading the Hawks to a Stanley Cup in 1961. I was 12 years old and a huge Chicago fan living vicariously through my heroes, some with interesting nicknames e.g., Bobby “The Golden Jet” Hull, Stan “The Man” or “Stosh” Mikita, Glen “Mr. Goalie” Hall, Al ”Radar” Arbour, Elmer “Moose” Vasko, Kenny “Whip” Wharram, Pierre “The Bantam Bouncer” Pilote, Eddie “Litz” Litzenberger, Eric “Elbows” Nesterenko, Earl “Spider” Balfour, Doug “Diesel” Mohns.] It was the Hawks’ first Stanley Cup since 1938 (23 years) and the next win wasn’t until 2010 (29 years later.) Mikita played in 1,394 games, scoring 1,467 points including 541 goals. He won the Art Ross trophy as Most Valuable Player four times among many other honours.

Sadly, Mikita was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia (LBD) in 2015. Al Arbour, Mikita’s teammate from the 1961 Stanley Cup winning Blackhawks, was diagnosed with Parkinson’s and dementia a few years prior to Mikita’s diagnosis. Medically, if dementia occurs prior to, or within, one year of a diagnosis of Parkinson’s symptoms, then it is classified as LBD. If dementia is diagnosed after one year of a diagnosis of Parkinson’s it is classified as Parkinson’s dementia. Lewy bodies are structurally composed of misfolded alpha – synuclein a protein that forms clumps (Lewy bodies) in the brain and contribute to that person developing Parkinson’s. Research is ongoing and there is no clear scientific explanation yet as to how this happens. Still, it is my understanding that all PwP, when autopsied after death, show evidence of Lewy bodies in their brains..

“Stan the Man” came and went as my nickname a few times over the years but in total it did not stick with me for long. Still, it is humbling to share even briefly this name with such legends as Stan Musial and Stan Mikita, although I would rather that neither Mikita nor myself (nor Al Arbour) had Parkinson’s or Lewy Body Dementia.

Coincidentally, Stan Mikita was born in 1940 in Sokolce, Czechoslovakia to Slovak parents as Stanislav Guoth. Stanislav is a common name for Slovaks, Poles (Stanislaw,) Ukrainians, Russians, Bulgarians and others in Eastern Europe.   In my early 20s, I lived and worked in Winnipeg, which has significant Polish and Ukrainian populations in its north end and I was often called, and answered to, the nickname “Stanislav” or its diminutives “Stach”, “Stosh,” “Stasio” or “Stasiu.” I am not entirely certain how this name game got started but I worked in various places near the north end e.g., the CPR Weston Shops and the Anthes Western Foundry where many Poles and Ukrainians worked. Earlier, I observed that nicknames sometimes outgrow their diminutive stature.   This happened to me when my new nickname was elongated to Stosiu Mendowski – a relatively uncommon family name with Polish roots. In my case, this name is a completely fictional one foisted upon me by my pub-crawling, drinking buddies who were, ironically, largely of Mennonite heritage. I believe that there are people in Winnipeg who never knew my legal name and are convinced that I was, indeed, Stosiu Mendowski. While I did nothing to promote my nickname overtly, neither did I do anything to disabuse anyone of its veracity. It just seemed that under the circumstances of too many beers, too much whiskey and occasionally sketchy company in north end hotels, the idea to stay relatively anonymous was not a bad strategy.

Don’t get me wrong, there were not a lot of really bad things going on, it is just that often times we were riding the edge of misadventure. I don’t say this proudly but just as a statement of fact. I can spare you the effort of Googling it though; you won’t find Stosiu Mendowski in the long list of aliases attributed to “bad guys” in history. Stosiu was not a crook, thief, murderer, forger, bank robber, white-collar criminal, corrupt politician or senator, mobster, gangster, hood or drug lord. Gangs have been around forever but my “Stosiu period” was mostly in the early 1970s well before the musical and cultural phenomenon known as “gangsta’ rap” was unleashed on an impressionable youth in the early to mid-1980s – so let’s not get confused here!

Fingers Finnegan

Speaking of ‘bad guys’ is there any grouping in society that has more colourful nicknames than gangsters? Names like Al “Scarface” Capone; “Bugsy” Malone; Leonard “Needles” Gianolla; Lester “Baby Face Nelson,” Gillis; Stephanie “Queenie” St. Clair; Opal “Mack Truck” Long; “Ma” Barker; Evelyn “Billie” Frechette; Virginia “The Flamingo” or “Queen of the Gangster Molls” Hill; Gertrude “The Bahama Queen” Lythgoe; Rafela “Miconia” or “The Big Female Kitten” D’Alterio; ” Maria “The Boss of Bosses” or “The Godmother” Licciardi; Sandra Ávila “The Queen of the Pacific” Beltrán;” Jemeker “Queen Pin” Thompson to name a few. Note that nickname notoriety is not reserved for men in gangland, as women are infamous in their own right.

My nicknames never really had that gangster quality and I never associated, at least not knowingly, with mobsters or even small time “hoods.” But that does not mean I did not know some unsavoury types.   Think of a less savoury illegal occupation, one that even hoods and gangsters would look down upon as not having any honour, and you come closer to describing some characters who operated on the periphery of the loose social grouping of friends, acquaintances and accidental encounters with whom I hung out. If the words, “petty thief” came to your mind you are a winner! Petty thieves engage in illegal activity that is more serious than a peccadillo but less serious than a felony and is marked by a certain creepiness that offends.

To illustrate, let’s give this petty thief a fitting but fictitious name: “Fingers” sounds about right; “Fingers” Finnegan. I want to say in advance that I did not witness first hand any of the following events or actions and never benefited from the ‘rewards.’ Nevertheless, Fingers relished telling the stories in a boastful manner that highlighted rather than diminished the sliminess of it all, and made us realize what a warped sense of pride he possessed. Don’t ever mistake ‘hubris’ for ‘bravery’ or ‘blind stupid luck’ for ‘intelligence.” [Hmmm … I hope that he has reformed … or is still a petty thief, because if he is a gangster … or a lawyer … he might come looking for me to exact some compensation (physical or fiscal) for libel or defamation of character. I shall trust that statutory limitations accorded by time and forgetfulness is on my side.]

What follows is an enactment of a typical Finnegan petty crime based on my recollection of stories told by Finnegan himself.   [Apologies for the coarse language but, in fact, his expletives were usually more flagrant than I recount here. He was particularly fond of interspersing the word “fuckin’” in between syllables or words such that “the international unions” became ”the fuckin’ inter fuckin’ national fuckin’ unions.”]

Fingers Finnegan bursts through the door into the kitchen of the main floor apartment in an old, possibly heritage but not yet designated, house on Furby Ave in Winnipeg. It is mid- January 1971 and the air rushes in mimicking its parental cold front that was sweeping down from the Yukon through Cold Lake, Alberta and across the prairies in search of Winnipeg’s infamous Portage and Main. With the temperature falling through the floor at minus 25 F (minus 30 C,) a foggy swirl of ice crystals creates a vacuum leaving Fingers gasping for breath – but cradling a plastic grocery bag across his chest, he was breathless for a reason other than it was a stereotypical winter Winnipeg moment, and the fact that he looked truly frozen wearing only a thin windbreaker hardly worthy of the name. His hands were shaky and fingers numb, unprotected as they were by any form of gloves or mitts. It is a strange thing to treat your major “asset,” the reason for your nickname, with such disregard. His feet fared no better as his “patent” vinyl soled slippery city shoes did their level best to turn his feet into ice blocks. He tries to place the grocery bag carefully on the kitchen table but it lands with a frozen “thunk.” Perhaps out of habit, or because of some misconceived notion of the thermal capacity of cold beer, or because he needs to fortify himself after the evening’s excitement, Fingers grabs a beer from a two-four on the kitchen counter, sticks the top in his mouth and pops the cap off with his teeth. [How the heck do they do that without chipping teeth, I’ll never know.]

A TV is playing in the next room and there are voices of other male occupants.

Two guys sitting in the kitchen, simultaneously: “Close the fuckin’ door, you asshole!”

Finnegan: “Fuuuuccccckkk! That’s what I’m telling you, man, the door didn’t close!”

Finnegan: [Yelling at two guys in the other room]: “Hey! Listen up you freaks! This is the best yet!”

Finnegan continues: “You should have seen it man! She was this close to me!” [He indicates a distance of about 3 feet with his arms.]

Finnegan [now holding court with all occupants:] “I was in the back porch when she came out. Shit, I was so fucking lucky to be behind the door! I just held my breath and door stuck open on the floor. If that door had closed behind her, I would have been fuckin’ face to face with her. Christ, I was soooo luuuuccckkkky! She went over to a freezer, got something out and went back into the house pulling the door behind her. I don’t know how she didn’t see me! I could see her eyes as she walked past and I could smell her perfume. I thought I was fuckin’ dead.” [Emphasis on last two words]

[There is short period of silence as the others take a moment to process Finnegan’s words.]

Finnegan: “I could hear her walking around on the squeaky floor in the kitchen, making supper, I guess. I could hear the TV in the front room and a man yell from upstairs for her to help him with his suit. I wasn’t sure if there was anyone else in the house. I didn’t hear anyone else talking though so I was pretty sure they were alone. I was across the street at the corner store when I saw her get off the bus, knock on the front door and this little weasel opens it and lets her in.”

[Fingers pauses as if for effect. In reality he is just taking a swig from his beer, and chowing down on some unidentified left over food]

Finnegan continues: “Then I heard her going up the stairs. I listened but I didn’t hear anyone else. I opened the back door to the kitchen leaving it stuck open on the porch floor. I needed a quick exit. The fuckin’ wind howled outside but the porch was a good windbreak. My car was running in the back lane.”

[Again Fingers pauses to take a bite and wash it down with beer. It seemed like it might have been the only food he had eaten for awhile. He was skinny as a rail with a pasty white complexion that might have been confused with frostbite given the bitter cold … but it wasn’t. His hair was long, stringy and greasy – and getting greasier each time as he ran his food fingers through it to keep it out of his eyes.]    

Finnegan: “So I went in, looked around, not much to steal, so I looked in the ‘fridge, grabbed a grocery bag and got the fuck out of there. I don’t even remember if I closed the door. Holy shit! My adrenaline was pumpin’ as I skated to the back lane and hightailed it to Arlington.” (Fingers made a point of not stealing in his own neighbourhood.)

Other Guy No. 1 (as if stating a fact): “You’re nuts.”

Other Guy No. 2 (suspiciously): Hey, what’re you eating?

Finnegan (proudly): Turkey! Great, eh? Look….

[Finnegan reaches into the bag on the table and pulls out a large China platter laden with turkey pieces. It seems the platter was responsible for the “thunk” when the grocery bag hit the table and it now sits incongruously among greasy Gondola Pizza boxes, Kentucky Fried Chicken buckets, and Golden Dragon Chinese food containers with beer bottles, half-eaten pizza crusts, and chicken bones strewn about on the floor as if a time traveling feast of Henry VIII and his court had just passed.]

Other Guy No. 3: “You know, you really are fuckin’ nuts!”

Finnegan (as if notching his belt signifying a new kill): “Holy geez, first time I ever stole food right out of the kitchen when people were home!”

Other Guy No. 2: “What if that guy chased you?”

Finnegan: “Oh, I wasn’t fuckin’ worried about that weasel once I reached my car. You see, I stole the fuckin’ battery out of the asshole’s car before I went into the house.”

(Finnegan chuckles a short heh, heh,heh and blows imaginary gun smoke from the end of his right index finger)

Finnegan: That’s why they call me “Fingers.”

Several other guys (simultaneously with same intent but slightly differing words:) “Get that fucking guy outta here!”

I am not sure how to end this digression except to say that while the turkey may have been savoury, the crime was far from it – in fact ‘unsavoury’ may well be an integral descriptor in the definition of petty thief.

Rules for nicknames and legal names

“Rules? In a knife fight? No rules.“ This line from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (nice nicknames, eh?) is delivered by Paul Newman’s larger, stronger opponent just before Newman in return, delivers a swift kick to his tender parts. As we have already discovered, the game of nicknaming seems to have a similar set of rules.

It should be obvious when you think of the wide variety and nicknames that are out there that nicknames are not registered with any regulatory authority ensuring codified provenance and ancestry. However, It seems that naming your children is regulated fairly closely in some jurisdictions but less so in others.   In Ontario Canada where I live the only restrictions on parents seem to be that you cannot give them a symbol e.g., @ or a numeral e.g., 8 as a name. However, before we begin to think that this provides complete free rein to parents, the courts can rule on children’s names “in the best interests of the child” when requested to do so.   Nicknames, informal as they are, are not subject to any restrictions.

They regulate dogs’ names, don’t they?

Naming dogs though is regulated, as is the case for most animals where purebred pedigree is important.  The Canadian Kennel Club specifies that a purebred dog’s registered name can only be up a maximum of 30 letters including spaces. The first name must be the name of the kennel into which the puppy is born and the second name usually has some association with the sire or the dam of the litter. Any further name is at the discretion of the owner. Of course the owners seldom call their dogs by any of these names and give them pet names or “nicknames” in addition to the registered name.

With my ex-wife I once co-owned a Tibetan Terrier which we registered as “Harrowdene’s Shah Chiubacca.” His nickname was “Chiui” although I am quite sure that he was unaware of the cleverness of both his registered name and the spelling of his nickname. Keep in mind this was around the time of the original release of Star Wars. No matter, while he wasn’t a particularly smart dog he did live a good long life (18 years) and demonstrated before he left this earth that he had a soul worthy of respect. On the evening he died, a Sunday as I recall, he was being boarded at a kennel. About 9 pm, Anne suddenly told me to call the kennel. I knew this kennel and said that they would not be open and they did not answer the phone after hours.  So I didn’t phone. The next day we learned that Chiui passed away (peacefully in his sleep) overnight. In order to keep myself sane, I tell myself that there was nothing that could have been done to avoid his death. Anne does seem to have a connection with the animal world that few others have and she is one of very few individuals who could ever receive such a communication. I believe his call out to her was simply a farewell to our collective family for the care and love he received over the years.

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Harrowdene’s Shah Chiubacca “Chiui”   Photo: Stan Marshall

Gardens and nicknames

Gardeners know nicknames (and not just Cassandra “Mrs. Greenthumbs” Danz either) as gardens are filled with both scientific rigour and common names. The binomial system of taxonomy for plants uses one Latin name to indicate the genus of the plant and another to indicate the specific name or epithet. For example, Rudbeckia hirta is the Latin scientific name for Black-eyed Susans, which is the common name (or nickname.) There are many nicknames in the garden as gardening is an activity in which all sorts of folks are engaged. You don’t need to know Latin to garden and it is a good thing too because learning the formal Latin scientific names is a challenge for most of us I think – I can remember some but draw a total blank on others. Of course learning the scientific names is a great mental exercise in the ongoing efforts of Parkies and the elderly in general to ward off dementia. (I hate Sudoku and crosswords.) Be careful though, as with humans, there are often many different common names for the same plant and as we shall see, different names for virtual triplets.

Turtleheads (Chelone glabra) are also known as balmony, bitter herb, codhead, fish mouth, shellflower, snakehead, snake mouth, and turtle bloom. It is part of the Figwort family (Scrophulariacea.) In Greek mythology, there was a nymph named Chelone who insulted the gods; in punishment, she was turned into a turtle. The flowers of this plant are said to look like the heads of turtles. Glabra is from the Latin word meaning smooth because of the lack of hairs or texture on the stems and leaves. (Source: US Department of Agriculture Forest Service)

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Turtleheads in boggy part of our garden  Photo: The PD Gardener

Monkshood (Aconitine napellus) of the family Ranunculaceae has many alternate common names including Aconite, Napel, Blue Aconite, Blue Rocket, Casque-de-Jupiter (Cap of Jupiter), Goatsbane, Wolfsbane, Helm, Hex, Odins Hut, Ra-dug-gam’dzim-pa (Tibetan), Thora Quasi Phtora Interitus (Latin, ‘doom’), Trollhat (Nordic.) Source: www.entheology.com. All parts of the Monkshood plant, especially the roots, are poisonous and gloves are advised when handling it. Fortunately, it has a very bitter taste (or so I am told as, not surprisingly, I have never tried it) that alerts one to not ingest it. Monkshood prefers woodland conditions and it grows reasonably well in deep shade under a very old apple tree at the foot of our gardens. It blooms in late fall and we can count on it being in flower on Hallowe’en – a suitably scary time for a scary poisonous plant.

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Monkshood: Handle with Extreme Caution  Photo: The PD Gardener

Orange Daylily (Hemerocallis fulva,) is from the family Xanthorrhoeaceae and is also known widely as Tiger Daylily, Ditch Lily, July Lily, Tawny Daylily, Railroad Daylily, Roadside Daylily, Outhouse Daylily, or Wash House Daylily among others. As they are so common in so many settings that are not formally cultivated, these lilies masquerade as native plants but they are originally from Asia and introduced into North America in the early 1900s. You can always spot an old farmyard long after the house and barn are gone by the colourful patches of “Tiger Daylilies,” a patch of rhubarb, and some lilac shrubs – three organic monuments to the bygone era of homesteading. As you undoubtedly have already noticed, many of their common names are indicative of that history. Today, many consider these Ditch Lilies to be invasive plants threatening the native environment. They do spread quickly through root rhizomes and it is imperative to maintain their boundaries regularly. However, the term invasive is one that is open to interpretation. For an interesting challenge to the dominant view see Ken Thompson, Where Do Camels Belong? Why invasive species aren’t all bad, Greystone Books, 2014.

The Ditch Lilies in our garden serve to remind us of our youth and the flower and vegetable gardens tended by farming wives (primarily) and working folk in cities. In Ontario, they bloom reliably on July 1 and on a daily basis until the end of the month. In some vain attempt to break free of that heritage we do have several hybridized day lilies adding an entirely different dimension to daily daylily life blooming later in the summer. It may be heresy to some but our gardens are a melange of native, non-native, hybridized, and, yes, invasive, varieties of many different plants.

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Common Ditch Lilies or July Lilies   Photo: The PD Gardener

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Fancy Hybrid Daylily 1  Photo: The PD Gardener 2015

 

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Fancy Hybrid Daylily 2  Photo: The PD Gardener 2015

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Brown-eyed Susans (Rudbeckia triloba,) Black-eyed Susans (Rudbeckia hirta,) and (huh?) Brown-eyed Susans (Rudbeckia fulgida var. Goldstrum) are of the family asteraceae (aster.) These are three of the some 25 species of Rudbeckia in North America. Most people are not going to see many differences in these three plants and they refer to them indiscriminately as Brown-eyed or Black-eyed Susans. Of course, if they were human, triplets might object to being called the identical nickname, wouldn’t they? And if we anthropomorphize (wicked word eh?) a little more, I prefer to call them Brown – eyed Susans as Black – eyed Susans sounds kind of abusive.

Why should we pay attention to differences? Well for one thing, it does assist in designing the type of “look” or “image” you want your garden to project, and the way your garden reproduces itself. I confess that I don’t usually pay much attention to differences in the Rudbeckia as I am mostly concerned with assisting the garden to grow according to its natural plan, intervening as little as possible but intervening nonetheless to ensure that the garden is not choked out with other noxious plants. In other words, I am not trying to recreate an identical garden year after year as much as I am trying to permit natural tendencies in a controlled way. Undoubtedly, this statement will drive the native plant purists to distraction and will endlessly irritate the formal horticulturists because gardens of this type may appear a little “unkempt,” but it is an accurate description of how I garden.

Rudbeckia hirta is commonly called Black-eyed Susan or sometimes gloriosa daisy and is usually grown as an annual, biennial or short-live perennial. It is relatively short (24 inches) and some varieties may be hardy to zone 3 but often it is grown as an annual in northern climes. It is a common native wildflower in many U.S. states. A coarse, hairy, almost weedy plant, it has daisy-like flowers with bright yellow to orange-yellow rays and a dark chocolate-brown center.

Rudbeckia fulgida var. sullivantii ‘Goldsturm’ was the 1999 Perennial Plant of the Year growing to a height of 18 to 30 inches – a bit shorter than the species Rudbeckia fulgida that grows to 36 inches. It is also commonly called “Brown-eyed Susan” or sometimes “Orange Coneflower” even though its petals are usually yellow and is hardy down to zone 3.

Rudbeckia triloba (Brown-eyed Susans) have a more profuse bloom of smaller on e- two inch flowers and usually have fewer rays per flower as the basal leaves are often three leaflets, and sometimes each of the three also divided (hence the Latin triloba.) Their centres may begin as black and fade to brown. It is a short-lived perennial and hardy to zone 4 and possibly zone 3 under the right growing conditions. .

As I said earlier, I prefer to call them Brown-eyed Susans because Black-eyed Susans seems rather violent, but let’s not get carried away with garden political correctness. Brown-eyed or Black-eyed is good enough for most people. Their golden yellow petals arrayed around a dark centre can lift the darkest of spirits when viewed en masse from a short distance. They are prolific self-seeders so we always have several clumps migrating around the garden from year to year.

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Brown-eyed and Black-eyed Susans migrate around our garden  Photo: The PD Gardener

 

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Rubeckia fulgida “Goldstrumen masse     Photo: The PD Gardener

Common Mullein (Verbascum thapsus)  is considered to be a weed by most people and would meet a hasty demise at its first sighting in most urban and suburban perennial or vegetable gardens. It is usually found in waste spaces, ditches, roadsides, along railroad rights of way, in gravel soil near, but not too near, swamps and sloughs. It is considered to be a pioneer plant, one of the first to pop up in regeneration after a forest fire for example. It likes direct sunlight and abhors shade. It can grow up to 10 feet tall but in our garden, which has a fair bit of shade, it grows only to 3 – 6 feet at best. Most people think it is an ugly weed with its large furry leaves and a tall spike for a flower head. But unlike Lupins, the small, pretty, yellow florets open only five or six at a time for one day at a time, giving it a decidedly unfinished look, or a look that promises to be something spectacular, but never is.

The mullein is native to most continents but is non-native and considered a weed in North America, New Zealand and Australia . Nevertheless, it is used in a variety of herbal medicines, particularly as an astringent and emollient.  It is categorized as invasive, competing with native plants, but it is far from aggressive. It likes open scrabble gravel soil so it is rarely competition for tended gardens that are far too luxurious and crowded. Still, this biennial will pop up from time to time if the seeds, which require winter dormancy to germinate, find adequate infertile conditions.

The mullein has a wide variety of quite descriptive nicknames (over 40 in English alone by some accounts) including: “cowboy toilet paper,” “Indian rag weed”, “bullicks lungwort”, “Adams-rod”, “hare’s-beard”, “ice-leaf” “woolly mullein”, “velvet mullein”, “blanket mullein”, “beggar’s blanket”, “Moses’ blanket”, “poor man’s blanket”, “Our Lady’s blanket”, “old man’s blanket”, “feltwort” and “flannel”.

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The Common Mullein shows up uninvited once in a while  Photo:  The PD Gardener 2013

Whatever you call it, I don’t mind if one or two show up for a garden party at our place. They arrive uninvited to be sure but they are interesting company and make for great conversation as they mingle with other more high brow guests.   Keep in mind that for the mullein to grow at all in your garden depends on you recognizing the seedlings so that they are not weeded out in any rush to spring clean your garden of weeds. Resist the “tsk, tsk” of the neighbourhood garden purist who sprays and pulls his/her garden and lawn to within an inch of its life. As a matter of principle and in solidarity with all native and non-native plants, I stand in opposition to fanatical or harsh over weeding. Some good friends are lost in that process.

Are sobriquets bouquets of flowers?

I just can’t end this section on gardens without talking about “sobriquets” which just means a descriptive name or epithet – a nickname in other words. However, for the life of me I can’t get it out of my mind that a sobriquet should be a bouquet of flowers for non-drinkers.  Perhaps, “Lemonade Lucy” would have several “sobriquets” on the tables when she served tea at the White House.

However, as I begin this fanciful digression, it occurs to me that “sobriety” has two slightly different but complementary meanings i.e., not being drunk and seriousness. After a cursory review and due consideration of the many features of this particular blog post, I have determined that there are two flowering plants (Azalea and tulips) ideally suited to represent my (incorrect) interpretation:

1) In Victorian times the Azalea was a symbol of temperance.  In fact, even today some flower shops carry an arrangement specifically named “Symbol of Sobriety” and I have seen Alcoholics Anonymous Chapter pins incorporate flowers into their distinctive circle and triangle design. There are many other modern day meanings for the Azalea but I couldn’t let the history re: struggles for sobriety and the connection to the Temperance Movement pass unnoticed in my search for my version of a “sobriquet.”

2) The tulip seems to have been adopted as a symbol of sobriety in its second meaning of seriousness as well. Not surprisingly, it has a connection to the Netherlands (What tulip doesn’t?) but, unexpectedly, it also is central to understanding the “seriousness.”

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Tulips with Cherry Blossoms Photo: The PD Gardener

In 1636 – 1637 “tulipmania” struck the Netherlands. It is widely described as the world’s first financial bubble and subsequent crash as speculators drove tulip bulb contract prices (really a futures market) to incredible heights only to have the markets crash sinking the economy into crisis. I won’t go into details but until that point the Dutch economy was booming and Amsterdam was one of the richest cities in the world. Most analyses are that Dutch society, built on a religious and cultural foundation of Calvinism, reverted to its religious roots to recover from this Golden Age of extravagance and the shock of the tulip crash. In other words, it returned to ‘societal sobriety.’  [There are alternate analyses that suggest that the crisis was not really “mania” driven but a rational response to the government’s intended intervention in the economy where firm contracts would be cancelled, converting them into “options” instead. I leave it to the economists out there to explore or elucidate further.]

This diversion of course isn’t really a diversion. It is merely taking an alternate “scenic route” leading us back to Parkinson’s disease.  In 1981, J.W.S. Van der Wereld, a Dutch horticulturist with Parkinson’s disease, developed a distinctive tulip, red with white-feathered edges on the petals. Van der Wereld named his prized cultivar, the ‘Doctor James Parkinson’ tulip, (Tulipa Doctor James Parkinson) to honour the man who first described this medical condition and to honour the International Year of the Disabled. The Parkinson Disease Foundation (PDF) has been using the tulip as a symbol since the early 1980s. In April 2005 the red tulip was launched as the Worldwide Symbol of Parkinson’s disease at the 9th World Parkinson’s Disease Day Conference in Luxembourg. Parkinson Society Canada, its provincial and regional partners, and many other Parkinson’s organizations worldwide have adopted this prized tulip and it has become their most recognizable symbol whether depicted in realist or stylized form.

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Stylized tulip of Parkinson Canada Pin

Red tulips are normally associated with true love and they have that image for me as well – even though my lover prefers burnt orange. But I also recognize the red with white-feathered petals of the Doctor James Parkinson Tulip as a symbol promoting awareness of PD, the seriousness of PD and the hope we hold for a cure and/or a major medical breakthrough such that PwP have a vastly improved quality of life.

Parkinson’s disease is a very sobering disease and I believe that other than the Grim Reaper himself, or the Devil if you believe in the Devil as my Baptist friend does, it is the most formidable opponent I will face in my lifetime. [I realize that there are other horrific diseases such as ALS, Huntington’s and terminal cancers. I am not in any way diminishing their severity here.]  Parkinson’s is a petty thief much like “Fingers” Finnegan who creeps unknown into your kitchen, bathroom, living room and bedroom, stealing your life in small measures that are not, in and of themselves, felony crimes. Before you realize what is happening, it has become firmly entrenched in your brain, nerves and muscles and will shape the remaining years of your life. Our mission is to delay the petty thief, using all the tools we have at our disposal.  Parkinson’s rarely commits the final act of murder, preferring instead to aid and abet Death in our final days, but is guilty as an accomplice nonetheless.

It is fitting then that my mis-labelled, mis-interpreted, and mal-defined “sobriquet’ should be a bouquet of Doctor James Parkinson roses and a bouquet of Azaleas, together symbolizing a clear head and a serious determination of will to survive.

Conclusion

I have had great fun and amusement romping through fields of nicknames and re-living (for me) a few stories that might be called tangential but I don’t believe they were ever dead ends. Given the rather strict parameters I have placed on the definition of nickname, I regrettably must accept that “The PD Gardener” is not truly a nickname for me as it has not been legitimately ascribed by a third party or parties. But perhaps, with a little more time and more use by others, it will evolve into one. To tell the truth, Anne has called me “Mr. Marshall,” for years. I don’t object to this name as it really is my name with a formal title, but in my mind, “Mr. Marshall” is reserved for my paternal grandfather as my grandmother, for as long as I knew her, referred to him as “Mr. Marshall.”

I hasten to point out that there is no admission of defeat or submission to Parkinson’s in my desired identification as “The PD Gardener.” Parkinson’s does not own me. “The PD Gardener” merely describes my principle characteristics at this time of my life and, wouldn’t you agree, it is infinitely more accurate and appropriate as a nickname than “Sidney Slump from the City Dump?”

Post Script

Arrrrggghh! The nicknames just keep on coming – from everywhere, including drug lords, wrestlers from my youth, cricket players and besieged Canadian Senators: – JoaquinEl Chapo” Guzmán (drug lord,) “Haystacks” Calhoun (wrestling,) “Whipper Billy” Watson (wrestling,) Maurice “Mad Dog” Vachon (wrestling,) Lawrence “Larry” Shreve aka “Abdullah the Butcher”(wrestling,) Bret “Hitman” Hart (wrestling,) Shoaib “Rawalpindi Express” Akhtar (cricket,) Edward “Lumpy” Stevens (cricket,) Michael “Pup” Clarke (cricket.)   In Canada, Senator Mike Duffy is on trial for 31 charges of fraud, breach of trust, bribery, and frauds on the government related to inappropriate Senate expenses. The larger than life Senator is often called, somewhat derisively, “Puffy Duffy” by ordinary Canadians although the media hardly ever refers to him that way.

Is there enough storage in my brain to process nicknames ad infinitum? We will need to break psychological barriers to the human understanding of the meaning of “elasticity” in order to fully contemplate the “prodigious” volume of nicknames being created and disseminated each day in a wired and WiFi world.  I am certain I will return to this fertile ground in future blogs.

In the meantime, have look at some of my favourite nicknames in the appendices below

Appendix A: Nicknames (?) and Parkinson’s

These are some names that are commonly used by the Parkinson community in social media. Most are collective nouns, aliases, or nom de plume,

  1. “Parkie” – General nickname for someone with Parkinson’s
  2. “Shaking palsy” – a nickname for Parkinson’s
  3. PWP or PwP – Person with Parkinson’s
    PLwP –Person Living with Parkinson’s
    PD’er – Person with Parkinson’s disease
    YOPI – Young Onset Parkinson’s Individual
    Parkinson’s Peeps
    YOPD – Young Onset Parkinson’s disease
    Parkie D’s
  4. “Perky Parkie” @perkyparkie Alison Smith, Twitter and blogger
  5. “Parky wife” @parkinsonsdis Twitter
  6. “Parkinson’s Humour” @YumaBev Twitter, blogger, author
  7. “The PD Gardener” @pdgardener Twitter, blogger

Appendix B: A Few Lists of my All Time Favourite Nicknames

I have created four lists of my personal favourite nicknames: male and female for sports and non-sports personalities. I have limited myself to ten names in each list. This restriction makes it an extremely difficult exercise. Try it sometime.

My Top 10 All Time Favourite Sports Nicknames (Male)

  1. George Alexander ”Twinkletoes” Selkirk (baseball)
  2. Colin “Mrs. Doubtfire” Montgomery (golf)
  3. Andrew “#Hamburglar” Hammond (hockey)
  4. “Chucky Three Sticks” Charles Howell III (golf)
  5. Willie “Hit’em where they ain’t” Keeler (baseball)
  6. Darryl “Chocolate Thunder” Dawkins (basketball)
  7. Max “Dipsy Doodle Dandy” Bentley (hockey)
  8. Bernard “The Executioner” Hopkins (boxing)
  9. Harold “Red” “The Galloping Ghost” Grange (football)
  10. Marvin “The Human Eraser” Webster (basketball)

My Top 10 All Time Favourite Sports Nicknames (Female)

  1. Michelle “The Big Wiesy” Wie (golf)
  2. Steffi “Fräulein Forehand” Graf (Tennis)
  3. Hayley “Chicken” Wickenheiser – altered from original “Chickenheiser” (hockey)
  4. Paula “The Pink Panther” Creamer (golf)
  5. “Can’t miss Swiss” Martina Hingis (Tennis)
  6. Anastasia “Nastia” Liukin (gymnastics)
  7. Chris “Ice Maiden” Evert (Tennis)
  8. Cristiane “Cyborg” Justino Venancio (mixed martial arts)
  9. Jeanette “The Black Widow” Lee (billiards)
  10. Mildred “Babe” Didrikson Zaharias (basketball, baseball, golf, track & field)

My Top 10 All Time Favourite Non-Sports Nicknames (Male)

  1. Charles “The Great Asparagus” De Gaulle
  2. Manfred “The Red Baron,” von Richthofen
  3. George S. “Ol’ Blood and Guts” Patton
  4. Admiral Harold M. “Beauty” Martin USN
  5. Lester “Baby Face Nelson” Gillis
  6. Erwin “The Desert Fox” Rommel
  7. Calvin “Snoop Doggy Dog” Broadus,
  8. David “The Tiny Perfect Mayor” Crombie
  9. “Brangelina” Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
  10. Abraham “Honest Abe” Lincoln

My Top 10 All Time favourite Non-Sports Nicknames (female)

  1. Opal “Mack Truck” Long
  2. “Lemonade Lucy” Webb Hayes, wife of President Rutherford Hayes.
  3. “Windy Nellie” McClung
  4. Iva Toguri “Tokyo Rose” D’Aquino
  5. Florence “Lady with the Lamp,” Nightingale
  6. Melanie “Scary Spice” Brown
  7. Margaret “The Iron Lady” Thatcher
  8. Virginia “The Flamingo” or “Queen of the Gangster Molls” Hill
  9. Rafela “Miconia” or “The Big Female Kitten” D’Alterio
  10. Emma “Red Emma” Goldman

© Stan Marshall (The PD Gardener)