Short, Pithy and/or Pissy Post No. 4: Which Underground?

Short, Pithy and/or Pissy Post No. 4: Which Underground?


In winter the intersection of Empress Ave., Scoles Rd., Hwy 27 N and Heritage St. in Altamont, Manitoba is as bone-chillingly cold as the infamous corner of Portage and Main in Winnipeg – before they forced pedestrians underground to avoid frostbite and injury from the beastly wind howling through the city core. Just another example of how humans try to conquer Mother Nature… if the tax base will permit.

There will be no pedestrian underpass in Altamont because… well, because Altamont is an unincorporated community within the Rural Municipality of Lorne (population 3,041 according to the 2016 census.) Statistics Canada does not deign to recognize Altamont itself as having any official population. In fact, some bureaucrat had a delightful sense of irony when s/he classified Altamont (estimated 1910 population: 100 and 2016 population: 50) as a “Local Urban District.”

I doubt that the municipal councillor in Altamont has ever felt political pressure to dig an underpass to conquer the nasty north wind at any intersection. The suggestion just begs the question, “What if they built an underpass, and nobody came?”

But there is another reason there is no underpass.  The intersection is almost famous for its Time and Space Warp (see SPPP no. 2) and the Warp is largely ineffective when operated below ground. This shortcoming was driven home to me many years ago while having a beer with a retired farmer named “Abe” in the iconic Altamont Hotel. Abe told me that Mr. Somerville, the stationmaster after the Northern Pacific and Manitoba Railroad reached Altamont in 1899, was fond of saying, “You cain’t see nuthin’ if yer six foot under.” I have no reason to believe that someone named “Abe” would lie – especially about something so germane to life and death.

When you look at the roads of egress from Altamont, the future certainly seems bleak. However, the Warp uses highly sophisticated socio – cultural geographic modeling along with temporal/spatial analysis methodology to ascertain the influence (positive and negative) of Altamont on the success and failure rates of its emigrants by analyzing the future futures, the present futures and the past futures of literally hundreds of individuals who will pass, are passing and have passed through Altamont – stopping to live a year or two, or ten, or twenty – or a lifetime. You will find that the accomplishments of those women and men are impressive and lead to the four corners of the earth and beyond.

[In technical terms the sum of such individual interactions is the Cumulative Overall Influence (COI); the downstream impact on the outside world over future generations is the Impact on Outside World (IOW); therefore, COI + IOW = Magnitude of Influence (MOI.)]

At any given time the road out looks bleak but the potential for success is great.  If you remain, you risk clogging up a system that depends on people leaving. Perversely, the success of a small town depends on its failure to thrive – forcing out-migration, which ironically contributes to its Magnitude of Influence.

Under such imperatives some residents establish strong bonds with small towns; bonds which neither distance nor death can break.  If these allegiances prevailed, there would be a steady stream of souls returning “home” each and every day. In Mr. Bishop’s words,

“Altamont was my birthplace.

Altamont was my home until I was 28 years of age.

Altamont has always been my home even now when I have been away for 43 years.

The hill east of Altamont will be my final resting place. From here I will view in all directions the beauty of all the seasons and play and laugh with those of my friends that are with me.”  

~ Lisgar Bishop in Memories of Altamont, 1884 – 1984

As for me, my family home was in Altamont for close to 17 years. I was married there … for the first time. For the next 30 years I lived and worked far away; visited infrequently; became estranged socially, politically and ideologically from the town folk; children arrived; divorce; new marriage, new family; diagnosis of Parkinson’s. Altamont became a place I used to live … but a place to which I am still contributing to its Magnitude of Influence (MOI.)

While I admit I have a fascination with Altamont’s history and the stories of those who call it home, love and gardens are beckoning my soul to a place other than the Altamont Cemetery when the time comes.

Besides, “You cain’t see nuthin’ if yer six foot under.”

(743 words)

© Stan Marshall (The PD Gardener) 2017


Short, Pithy and/or Pissy Posts No. 3 : My Answers

Short, Pithy and/or Pissy Post No. 3: My Answers


A reader called me the old fashioned way the other day, on the telephone, to tell me that I must answer the questions I left dangling in SPPP No. 2. I hate that because it is a lot easier to ask questions than to answer them. Well, here are my answers.

Question: Are there any songs about bleak towns?

Answer: Yes, but my two favourites are both by Bruce Springsteen, My Hometown and Death to my Hometown with its compelling Celtic rhythm and lyrics accusing and convicting corporate power of bringing certain death to his hometown without the use of guns or bombs and without penalty. Released in 2012 Death to my Hometown updates My Hometown, which presciently paints a poverty-stricken future from the vantage of 1984 economic and trade policies. Together these song-writing gems form a powerful political analysis spanning four decades. The analysis is bleak and is no longer “the future” but “the present” for many towns in Canada and the USA.

Question: My future’s so bleak I have to wear [fill In blank.]

Answer: [A SAD light.] Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a problem for many who live in northern climates. Long dark winters can cause general depression (winter blues) in some individuals. I believe my mother’s circadian rhythm was sensitive to changes in natural light living as she did in northern Manitoba where the average hours of sunlight decrease from 280 in June to 85 in December and in central Saskatchewan where the decrease from an average of 375 hours in June to 75 hours in December is even more striking. SAD lights are an attempt to mimic natural sunlight alleviating symptoms for suffers.

As a slogan or hook, “I have to wear a SAD light” is an utter failure as it fails to tickle whimsy or to stir the body and mind to overcome adversity. Perhaps manufacturers and retailers of SAD lights will be happy but I just don’t see the marketing attraction myself. The bleakness in Springsteen’s passionate lyrics and music can be overcome only by changing the balance of class power as intersected by the politics of the struggle for fundamental human rights.

Question: Did I choose the path with Parkinson’s or did it choose me?

Answer: No one in his or her right mind would take an oath of fealty to Parkinson’s disease if s/he had even half an idea of what that would entail. Parkinson’s is an insidious disease that slowly and surely sucks life and independence from you and does not have the decency to kill you. I am but one of over 100,000 Persons living with Parkinson’s (PwP) in Canada and while I have suffered from the predictable decline in health for a relatively short period of time compared to many others, I assure you that I am not being overly dramatic about its effects. Walk one day in my shoes ….

Question: What happened anyway?

Answer: An interconnected series of expected events and experiences that were to be my life were nudged off course and shunted to the sidelines by an unexpected series of events and experiences that became my life. It is a happy story except that Parkinson’s threatens to write a difficult ending.

Question: Maybe it’s a Town Without Pity (Gene Pitney 1961)

Answer: In 1961 Gene Pitney’s Town Without Pity was riding a wave of middle class economic prosperity. Love and the politics of the Vietnam War were at the centre of teenage angst. The hollowing out of the American industrial heartland that spawned Springsteen’s two ‘hometown’ songs was not yet upon us. That is not to say that Town Without Pity was shallow but it is to say that the dialectic between capital and labour was not manifest as class politics in the 1960s and frankly has been barely on the radar since then. US President Trump’s election unearthed an irreverent populism with ad hoc nationalist and dictatorial tendencies. In Canada we have emerged from a decade of right wing politics to embrace once again the soft middle. If we are honest, the political mood in both countries is closer to Town Without Pity than it is to Bruce Springsteen and Death to my Hometown.

Another reason I like Springsteen: he has made 11 “surprise” appearances at the main concert of the Light of Day Foundation, which has raised more than $4 million for Parkinson’s research over the 17 years of their winter festival in Asbury Park. See also Light of Day Canada.

(749 words)

© Stan Marshall (The PD Gardener) 2017

Short, Pithy and/or Pissy Post #2: Song Titles

Short, Pithy and/or Pissy Post #2: Song Titles” is now available.

“My lover thinks I have been sitting around wasting time listening to music from the last 7 decades. … It all started with an innocent thought about the geo–cultural origins of song titles.” Read more at